Violet Blue's Open Source Sex
Open Source Sex -- sophisticated erotica, smart sex ed, outrageous interviews and more with leading sex educator, award-winning author and celeb columnist Violet Blue ®. Find more of this podcast at
open source sex 48 Seduction and flirting, part one. This is a giggly, fun and informative set of podcasts all about flirting and seducing someone you're interested in, whether they're a stranger or a long-term lover. Everyone loves being seduced, and you don't need to resort to cheap tricks or hypnotism to make a hot, fast connection. In pasrt one, I explain confidence (and how to fake it), body language (with tips celebrities use to get noticed), how to make an entrance, and how to use eye contact -- even if you're really shy.

This podcast is also a textcast: click the center of your iPod's trackwheel three times to read the text as you listen to me talk. I veer off the text quite a few times and crack myself up more than once, so consider yourself warned...

Seduction and Flirting: Part One

Your goals don't need to be world domination or creating an army of male slaves -- though all skill levels are encouraged to apply. Perhaps you're tired of being the too-quiet one in the group and for a change you'd like to be the attention-magnet for an evening. Or maybe you're on the prowl for a down-and-dirty fling. You don't even have to dress saucy to be a first-rate flirt; your powers to attract and seduce are your own secret weapon, one that you can use to strike at any time, in any place, in any guise. This podcast will give you concrete tools to nurture your flirting powers, useful for a lifetime of being a femme (or homme) fatale flirt.

Prescription for Flirt Success: Confidence

First, you'll need to master the use of one secret weapon that works anywhere, anytime, and in any outfit, from stilettos to sneakers -- confidence. Like a trademark logo, confidence lets your flirt- or seduction-targets know immediately that there is something special about you, and acts like a homing-beacon for interested parties. Confidence need not be brash or flashy. It can be subtle, sophisticated or powerful -- and it doesn't matter what you look like, how you really feel inside, or how klutzy you are. It is the key element of your most effective flirting techniques.

Confidence, no matter who's got it, is always an act. It is a learned behavior, faked until it's second nature. Ask any exotic dancer, and she'll tell you how scared she was the first time she danced onstage naked, but she just acted confident, fooling everyone. A focus on behaving confidently helps you to keep sight of your goals while acting like the queen of the universe (even if you feel like hiding or running in tight little circles screaming), and keeps you motivated. Never pay attention to the critics in, or outside of, your head. Proceed with confidence through any room or conversation and you'll be projecting enough internal strength to make your critics disappear.

But what if you don't feel confident? Don't you wish there were some pill you could take? Why can't you just *be* confident?

I'm worried that I'll look ridiculous.

Plan your strategies, learn seductive body language, try on your outfits and makeup ahead of time, and you can't miss. If you have a plan, the only thing they'll see is someone sexy who feels confident and enjoys life. They'll also be interested to talk to you. The only thing that might show is nervousness, but that will disappear after the first few minutes.

What if I screw it up?

Take every precaution to make sure that you feel comfortable and sexy in your outfit, that you have a few topics to chat about, and a backup plan of something to do if you don't instantly connect with someone (especially at a public gathering). If you're klutzy, be prepared to distract them by laughing when you trip over the host's prized poodle, and smile wickedly at your prey when you spill your mimosa all over the h'ors d'ourves, as if to say, "I meant to do that. Watch me now!" A sense of humor layered with a sense of erotic purpose and determination will make them forget all about the spilled drink -- especially if you reveal a bit of cleavage or a sweet smile when you mop it up with all the napkins meant for the guests. Plus, I think ripped stockings are quite sexy.

My body isn't what I want it to be.

Join the biggest club in the world. Everyone feels this way on one level or another, even the "perfect" people. If you don�t like it, make a plan to change it. If you can't change it, work it. If you've got a sexy toy-boy lined up as your erotic plaything remember that this situation won't be around forever, so you better make the most of what you've got to offer. Chances are high that you're a lot sexier than you think, because sexy comes from inside, not the outside. Just ask any stripper who performs when she's on her period -- and they *all* do. If you're worried about "stacking up" to others, be it with breast size or other measurement concerns, remember that bigger boobs won�t make you sexier, they'll just make you someone with big boobs. And yes, people can be insensitive critics and say inappropriate things. If you find yourself mistakenly flirting with one of these clueless critics, change the channel and flirt with someone worthy.

It's All About Body Language

Make the most of the effective flirting super tool known as body language. First, examine what you're projecting without trying -- then play around with saying exactly what you want without even opening your mouth. Look at how your body moves naturally and try out a few subtle changes that, in mere seconds, take you from being passed over, to fending off passes all night long.

It's all a matter of using a few tricks: Pull your shoulders back and take a deep breath, imagining your breath pulling your chest wider, and the center of your chest up toward the ceiling. Straighten your back and arch the lower back slightly -- a good way to do this (and make your legs appear longer and your butt more attractive) is to wear heels. Pull your head up and back slightly as well. Each of these small adjustments can be made slowly, in a room full of people, and imperceptibly, even though you haven't said a thing, you will appear more confident. These are techniques celebrities use whenever they are in public, don't feel up to being "perfect," or want to get noticed -- and you can make the most of them, too. Also, examine the body language of people you consider sexy, your friends or celebrities, and mimic what you like.

When in flirt- or seduction-mode, you're going to want to appear confident, relaxed and happy. Maybe secretly you feel like a dork, nervous, silly, mad, worried or cranky. No one needs to know your true feelings when you shift your body just as I described; these subtle techniques project an air of strong self-knowledge and an aura of magnetism. Body language is that powerful. Try to remind yourself regularly throughout the day or evening to straighten, tilt back and open your chest. Add to that a slight, general slowing down of your gestures; cross and uncross legs in no hurry, lift your glass to your lips slowly, and don't rush to do anything. Quickness and hurried gestures make us appear less confident, and looking more self-assured will get you attention, fast.

Make an Entrance

When you walk into a room, get out of a car, get up to visit the loo or enter a crowd, you're making an entry -- so do it in flirt-mode. You're the person everyone wants to get to know, and you haven't even said a word. Let your friends enter first; the best is saved for last, and that's you. Take a moment to savor your entry, and stop before you start. What this means is, begin to get up or enter, then pause for a second to look around like you might see someone you know. If you do see someone you know, pause again to smile slowly and brightly, and if you have to keep moving when you come in, make your glance around the room last for two to three long strides.

If you're really feeling up for fun, make eye contact with a few of the people near you and smile at them. It doesn't matter if they smile back or not, or you can smile at one of your friends -- the important thing is to enter the room grabbing attention, and smile like it's your party. From here, the boldest, most attention-grabbing move is to walk to the middle of the room before settling on a spot to stand. Or, you can walk forward, doing your room survey, and head to a spot that looks like a terrific vantage point for people-watching while remaining in the center of activity. Never retreat to the edges unless you want to be left alone to regroup, make a to-do list of names, or simply bask in your overwhelming desire to make men your lapdogs.

Eye Contact for the Shy

Eye contact is considered by relationship and dating experts to be the most effective tool for flirt success. When someone is being checked out, they instinctively know before they see the physical evidence -- and when instinct meets direct eye contact, your flirt target can actually experience a physical, erotic rush. Your eyes are your most remarkable weapons, able to unleash flirting abilities the world has never seen. Used properly, a careless glance can inflame the desires of every man, woman, fish, houseplant and possibly inanimate objects in the room.

Eye contact is the focus of all your efforts. Every move you make hinges on what you do with your eyes, and if you stare at the ground, no one will think you are interested, or interesting. Anyone can look at someone -- but someone special makes eye contact.

If making eye contact seems daunting, try a few exercises and learn a few cheaters that'll make you comfortable with looking directly at the person (or people) you're hot for. Pay attention to what you look at next time you walk through the office, a café, or the parking lot on the way to your car. Notice where your eyes naturally roam, whether you look at the ground, the sky, or if you skip your eyes around to look at objects. In particular, how are you looking at people -- are you looking at legs, feet, hands, or faces? Practice focusing your gaze directly level, at about the point people's faces would be. When you feel good about it, glance at an attractive person's face for a moment, and then back in front of you. You did it -- now do it a few more times until you get the hang of it.

Your next lesson in eye contact for the shy is to practice on a real-life sexy human, in a conversation. You don't need to stare raptly into their eyes until your eyes dry out and your eyelids twitch, and you start to see little fuzzy things out of the corners of your eyes. Instead, allow your eyes to travel around their face slowly, like a second hand sweeping around from noon to midnight. Rest on their eyes, and begin again. Do this whenever you feel nervous about looking into their eyes for too long, and soon you'll be captivating them with your confident gaze before you even realize it.

But wait, there's more. Eye contact is a finely honed technique for mesmerizing hotties, and you're going to learn to wield it like Xena's sword, or Buffy's stake. Pick a day when you're feeling sassy and make eye contact with sexy, total strangers -- at least two. Five in a day, then you're at the next level: making deliberate, eye contact with humans you find attractive. Try it once, and you'll see how easy and fun it is -- no one gets hurt, rejected, and there's no risk involved. Try it again and again, like rehearsals, and you'll be ready to rock harder than Joan Jett.

Eye Contact Techniques to Try in the Field

Okay, you don�t have to be a hussy to reap the benefits from these eye contact flirt techniques -- but being a bit brazen helps.

* When you have the beast in your sights, give your intended more than a glance. Let your eyes linger on theirs for a relaxed breath. Then decide if you want to keep contact for an intense across-the-room flirt, or move your eyes away to be a bit more playful in your approach.

* If they're playing hard to get, or you want to make them pay more attention, draw attention to your eyes by touching the corner of your eye as an adjustment, slightly touching the hair around your forehead, adjusting your glasses or touching a pen to your temple. Move your hands slowly.

* Make eye contact, and then break it to look at their lips, and then back again. Smile. This can be repeated with success throughout conversations.

* Truly bad girls and boys will make eye contact, slide their eyes down the front of the body, and then back up. Extra brazen points for lingering on the chest or hips.

* Of course, maintaining eye contact when you need to blink is very sexy, and lets them know you don�t want to miss a minute of their time.

That's it -- learn more in Open Source Sex 49: Seduction and Flirting Part Two

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