Violet Blue's Open Source Sex
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open source sex 49 Seduction and flirting, part two. In this part two, I explain the powerful tool known as smiling, how to start a conversation, what to talk about, how to tell if they're interested in you (or not) and how to stop it when you decide you don;t like them. And -- I totally lose it cracking up laughing near the end, a sign of danger for whoever I flirt with and seduce next... These seduction and flirting podcasts are a giggly, fun and informative explanation all about flirting and seducing someone you're interested in, whether they're a stranger or a long-term lover. Everyone loves being seduced, and you don't need to resort to cheap tricks or hypnotism to make a hot, fast connection.

This podcast is also a textcast: click the center of your iPod's trackwheel three times to read the text as you listen to me talk. I veer off the text quite a few times and crack myself up more than once, so consider yourself warned...

Seduction and Flirting: Part Two

Smiling is a powerful thing. The easiest way to disarm, relax and intrigue a anyone is with a smile. It sounds simple and corny, but when you're flirting, a soft or slight smile dancing on your lips is an instant relaxer. A smile gives the unconscious impression that you have a great sense of humor, are approachable and that being around you is safe and indicative of a good time. Yes, a smile says all that without words. And even a light smile while talking can make you appear that much more inviting.

Next time you people-watch, look around at how everyone is holding their mouths, and how it speaks volumes about your impression of them. Someone with tight unsmiling lips seems stressed, unfriendly. Another person might have a frown, or be posing with a serious mean look -- no smile here, just unapproachable people. Find people in the crowd who are smiling, laughing, or have just the tiniest hint of a smile playing around the corners of their mouths. See how they look more attractive, friendly, and sexy? We instinctively feel good around people who are smiling -- and that's just how you'll want any potential flirt-targets to feel when they look at you.

A smile does indeed weave a spell around you. But you don’t need to look like Mommie Dearest walking through the subway or standing at the snack table. No, a maniacal smile will send the opposite message. You just need the tiniest smile at the corners of your mouth to look sexy, happy and open. Keep your lips closed, and gently curve the edges up in a half-smile, and this is the sexy smile you'll use when you make an entrance, stroll sexily across a room, gaze at paintings, survey the last of the snack table's cheese in a can, or anything else you happen to be doing.

Our lips are one of the most suggestive, sensual erogenous zones we've got -- and right on our faces. When someone is interested in you, they'll look at your lips almost as much as your eyes. You can slyly direct them to look at your lips throughout your entire communication with them, no matter if you're talking or not. During conversation, you can play around with what touches your lips, how they are touched and what goes in and out of them. Bite your lower lip suggestively while smiling; rub them together softly and smile. Bite the end of your finger for a second -- tilting your head down to do so is very flattering to your eyes and face. Touch your straw to them before you sip. Rub them lightly on the edge of a glass. If you're not sure they're paying attention, direct their gaze to your lips with a pen, finger, straw, snack, or utensil.

Wear a soft smile like lip-balm -- remember to reapply every chance you get. But when you open your mouth to say anything, make sure you frame it with an even bigger smile. Smiling while you talk does a couple of neat tricks: it makes you easier to hear because it opens up your mouth to let more sound out (allowing you to speak in a sexy low tone without amplifying), and it makes anything you say seem instantly more fun. The talking smile lights up your entire face, gives you the appearance of seeming genuinely engaged with the person you're talking to, and makes them feel special -- it's as if the act of talking to them is causing your happiness.

Then there is the ultimate smile to use as a devastating flirt tool, the smile of serious flirtation -- the eye contact smile that slowly transforms from a soft smile to full, teeth-exposed smile, all while staring and blushing like a fiend. This is the doomsday weapon you employ when you want it bad, and you want them to know that you mean it. This smile can be wicked, naughty and direct -- or sweet, sublime and joyously flirtatious. Either way, it sends a clear message: I want, I want, I want.

Okay, but what the hell do I say?

You need to make what they call in science fiction movies, "first contact." Mars, meet Venus; Sigourney, meet Aliens. Stand close to your flirt-target (but not so close they feel trapped) and make eye contact -- smile right away. If they avoid your eyes, or don't smile back, move on to the next prospect. But if they smile and look into your eyes, the game has begun.

They might start talking first, in which case you can follow their lead and off you go. But if it's your move first -- you can tell if they don't say something within the first 3-4 seconds -- make it so. Don't panic if you can't think of anything for a second; instead let your situation give you clues about what to say. You'll want your starting conversation to be ordinary, light and something that fits the situation you're both in. Start with a question or comment on your surroundings, or the world around you. Everything from "is it cold in here, or is it just me?" to "who are you with -- do you know the hostess?' is all fair game. Consider your situation and think of an opener before you make your approach.

The best thing to do in any situation with a stranger, especially one you want to flirt with, is to ask them about themself -- then listen, and ask more questions. If your first opener doesn’t go anywhere, move on to the next opener, and make it another question. People seldom find others who are interested in their opinions, or want to know more about them, and it's a terrific way to get someone to like you instantly. Take it easy talking about yourself, and if they ask you questions back, then bonus. That means they're interested in you, too.

There are three main rules for starting a conversation with someone sexy. First, stay away from negative comments because you never know what they might find upsetting -- they might love those little dogs you're making fun of, or the creepy guy you're making jokes about might be their friend. Rule number two is that a question always follows a question. Your job as the conversation starter is to keep if moving, and if one opening question goes nowhere, follow it with one on a different topic. If on the third try, your conversation still hangs in the air like a fart, make an excuse and move on to the next prospect (or to the bar, off to fix your look, etc.). The final rule of starting conversation is to not invest too much into someone you just met. If they can't keep up the conversation, then you mistakenly picked a dud and should move on. Either you "click" or you don't, and if the openers feel like weak one-liners, then you haven’t found your match -- keep looking.

Sample Conversation Starters:

* Talk about the world. "The subway/drive over was crazy tonight. Do you know if there was an accident?" "Isn't this weather great/awful/strange/apocalyptic?"

* Ask a question pertinent to your surroundings. "Do you know whose artwork this is?" "Have you been here before. I'm looking for a drinking glass..." "Didn't this Starbucks used to be a mortuary?"

* Ask them about themselves in relation to the surroundings. "Are you a friend of the hostess/performer/bartender?" "Who do you know here? How did you meet?" "What do you think of this place/the artwork/the show/the song that's playing?"

* Comment on a noteworthy or unusual item in your surroundings. "Have you seen the stereo, it's like those huge computers in old sci-fi movies! Number One: engage the disco, stat!" "That houseplant is out of control -- I'd be worried I'd wake up in its mouth!"

* Talk about the reason you're there. "How long have you been a fan of Marilyn Manson?" "The parties here are always a blast. Have you been here before?"

* Absolutely ask questions you already know the answer to. Ask what time it is, where the snacks are, if the drinks are any good (hide your cocktail), what the weather was like in the city today, etc.

* Be humorously contrary; look for humor in your situation and humor in what he says to you. For instance, if it's 100 degrees in the room, ask jokingly if you can borrow a coat.

Don't Do It:

* Depend on other people to have a good time.

* Flirt wasted, really drunk, stoned, trashed, depressed, stressed-out, or mad.

* Look bored.

* Negatively tease your flirt-target. No one likes to think they might be being made fun of.

* Freeze up, verbally or physically.

* Point at the person you're talking to when gesturing.

A good speaker will stand so that his or her body is "open" to everyone listening, especially toward one person in particular. In a group, focus your open stance toward one, or exactly between two of your listeners. Have your feet apart, toes facing out and keep your arms uncrossed. Use your hands to illustrate your points and to help you tell a story. Hands are excellent tools to conduct your listener's attention, and you can draw direct focus on yourself by making finger gestures that mimic pinching, with thumb and forefingers, as if picking up a pen.

Your arm and hand gestures can be subtle and waist-high, or be a bit more flamboyant with movements that remain between waist and shoulders. Avoid flapping your arms or movements that could send an elbow into an unsuspecting boob (literal or figurative), as outlandish gestures just wind up looking dorky, drunk or hysterical.

Try to keep your head tilted down slightly to suggest directness in your conversation. Keep eye contact, but mix it up. If you're in a group, look at everyone in a pattern that begins and ends with the same person, alternating for breaks when people make jokes or if the conversation moves to another speaker. If you're one-on-one, keep your eye contact consistent while speaking, but take 5-10 second visual breaks to let your listener look at other parts of you.

But is your flirt target even listening to your incredible story about saving the kittens from the burning building? How do you know they're really interested? When they're really listening, they will:

* Make "keep going" gestures, including smiles, nods, little "mmh" noises that punctuate the breaks in your conversation, or small prompts such as "really?" "what!" "uh-huh" and "tell it, girlfriend."

* They will listens with their body, leaning forward, widening eyes and nodding along with positive things you say.

* Their face will look animated.

* They'll ask questions.

* They'll be looking at you most of the time you're talking.

* Lots of smiles.

If it's time to change the channel and flirt with someone else, your non-listener will show disinterest by:

* Finishing your sentences. (Plus, it's just rude. Next!)

* Fidgeting their legs and feet while you talk.

* Excessive fiddling with their stuff or person; toying with buttons, digging through pockets, doodling, etc.

* Answering their cell phone. Dude, you're so fired!

* Nodding or making prompting comments in the wrong spots or at the wrong times.

* Slouching and crossed arms.

* Eye contact less than 50% of the time.

While the many of the guidelines I've recommended are handy for assessing a successful flirting encounter, it just so happens that quite a few of us tend to be attracted to members of the herd that some might consider shy, introverted, even geeky, nerdy or are alluring socially dysfunctional mad-scientist types. These subsets of the species are tougher to read. The sexy geek could be going out of their powerful, overworked mind to get you alone and are hanging on every word, but their excitement translates into obsessively folding a napkin until it disintegrates or answering your queries with nervous little grunts.

These special creatures are worth experimenting with. Change the topic. Ask about their life. Change your tone and deepen your voice slightly. Slow your speech down a notch or two, and lower your volume a tiny bit. Or, speed up the pace and don’t be afraid to make silly jokes. Shy guys and girls tend to be smarter than the rest and will appreciate your willingness to make fun of yourself, and everyone else.

Eject Button

All signs were go, so you started to divide and conquer. But within a few minutes, you know you made a mistake. How do you get out of it? Try these handy tips:

* Pick your teeth with a knife.

* Talk about your husband and co-wives.

* Make an excuse to exit the conversation, such as "nature calls," "I have to make a call," or "I think my parole officer is calling."

* Tell him you have to sit down because you're so hung over you think you're "going to barf."

* Fake an orgasm.

* Tell them how much you hate bathing.

* Burp the lyrics to whatever song is playing.

* Thrust your pelvis in time with your burps.

* Disagree with everything they say.

* Spill your drink and leave to get a new one.

* Spill your drink, and leave to pee in the coat closet.

* Ask what their favorite food is, and laugh about how it gives you explosive diarrhea.

Then, this is where I totally crack up and lose it and stop the podcast, ready to frighten the next guy or girl I flirt with in a bar... :)

That's it -- learn more in Open Source Sex 48: Seduction and Flirting Part One

* * * * * *

My podcast totally faked an orgasm once with

Violet Blue:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Direct download: open_source_sex_49.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 12:21am PDT

open source sex 48 Seduction and flirting, part one. This is a giggly, fun and informative set of podcasts all about flirting and seducing someone you're interested in, whether they're a stranger or a long-term lover. Everyone loves being seduced, and you don't need to resort to cheap tricks or hypnotism to make a hot, fast connection. In pasrt one, I explain confidence (and how to fake it), body language (with tips celebrities use to get noticed), how to make an entrance, and how to use eye contact -- even if you're really shy.

This podcast is also a textcast: click the center of your iPod's trackwheel three times to read the text as you listen to me talk. I veer off the text quite a few times and crack myself up more than once, so consider yourself warned...

Seduction and Flirting: Part One

Your goals don't need to be world domination or creating an army of male slaves -- though all skill levels are encouraged to apply. Perhaps you're tired of being the too-quiet one in the group and for a change you'd like to be the attention-magnet for an evening. Or maybe you're on the prowl for a down-and-dirty fling. You don't even have to dress saucy to be a first-rate flirt; your powers to attract and seduce are your own secret weapon, one that you can use to strike at any time, in any place, in any guise. This podcast will give you concrete tools to nurture your flirting powers, useful for a lifetime of being a femme (or homme) fatale flirt.

Prescription for Flirt Success: Confidence

First, you'll need to master the use of one secret weapon that works anywhere, anytime, and in any outfit, from stilettos to sneakers -- confidence. Like a trademark logo, confidence lets your flirt- or seduction-targets know immediately that there is something special about you, and acts like a homing-beacon for interested parties. Confidence need not be brash or flashy. It can be subtle, sophisticated or powerful -- and it doesn't matter what you look like, how you really feel inside, or how klutzy you are. It is the key element of your most effective flirting techniques.

Confidence, no matter who's got it, is always an act. It is a learned behavior, faked until it's second nature. Ask any exotic dancer, and she'll tell you how scared she was the first time she danced onstage naked, but she just acted confident, fooling everyone. A focus on behaving confidently helps you to keep sight of your goals while acting like the queen of the universe (even if you feel like hiding or running in tight little circles screaming), and keeps you motivated. Never pay attention to the critics in, or outside of, your head. Proceed with confidence through any room or conversation and you'll be projecting enough internal strength to make your critics disappear.

But what if you don't feel confident? Don't you wish there were some pill you could take? Why can't you just *be* confident?

I'm worried that I'll look ridiculous.

Plan your strategies, learn seductive body language, try on your outfits and makeup ahead of time, and you can't miss. If you have a plan, the only thing they'll see is someone sexy who feels confident and enjoys life. They'll also be interested to talk to you. The only thing that might show is nervousness, but that will disappear after the first few minutes.

What if I screw it up?

Take every precaution to make sure that you feel comfortable and sexy in your outfit, that you have a few topics to chat about, and a backup plan of something to do if you don't instantly connect with someone (especially at a public gathering). If you're klutzy, be prepared to distract them by laughing when you trip over the host's prized poodle, and smile wickedly at your prey when you spill your mimosa all over the h'ors d'ourves, as if to say, "I meant to do that. Watch me now!" A sense of humor layered with a sense of erotic purpose and determination will make them forget all about the spilled drink -- especially if you reveal a bit of cleavage or a sweet smile when you mop it up with all the napkins meant for the guests. Plus, I think ripped stockings are quite sexy.

My body isn't what I want it to be.

Join the biggest club in the world. Everyone feels this way on one level or another, even the "perfect" people. If you don�t like it, make a plan to change it. If you can't change it, work it. If you've got a sexy toy-boy lined up as your erotic plaything remember that this situation won't be around forever, so you better make the most of what you've got to offer. Chances are high that you're a lot sexier than you think, because sexy comes from inside, not the outside. Just ask any stripper who performs when she's on her period -- and they *all* do. If you're worried about "stacking up" to others, be it with breast size or other measurement concerns, remember that bigger boobs won�t make you sexier, they'll just make you someone with big boobs. And yes, people can be insensitive critics and say inappropriate things. If you find yourself mistakenly flirting with one of these clueless critics, change the channel and flirt with someone worthy.

It's All About Body Language

Make the most of the effective flirting super tool known as body language. First, examine what you're projecting without trying -- then play around with saying exactly what you want without even opening your mouth. Look at how your body moves naturally and try out a few subtle changes that, in mere seconds, take you from being passed over, to fending off passes all night long.

It's all a matter of using a few tricks: Pull your shoulders back and take a deep breath, imagining your breath pulling your chest wider, and the center of your chest up toward the ceiling. Straighten your back and arch the lower back slightly -- a good way to do this (and make your legs appear longer and your butt more attractive) is to wear heels. Pull your head up and back slightly as well. Each of these small adjustments can be made slowly, in a room full of people, and imperceptibly, even though you haven't said a thing, you will appear more confident. These are techniques celebrities use whenever they are in public, don't feel up to being "perfect," or want to get noticed -- and you can make the most of them, too. Also, examine the body language of people you consider sexy, your friends or celebrities, and mimic what you like.

When in flirt- or seduction-mode, you're going to want to appear confident, relaxed and happy. Maybe secretly you feel like a dork, nervous, silly, mad, worried or cranky. No one needs to know your true feelings when you shift your body just as I described; these subtle techniques project an air of strong self-knowledge and an aura of magnetism. Body language is that powerful. Try to remind yourself regularly throughout the day or evening to straighten, tilt back and open your chest. Add to that a slight, general slowing down of your gestures; cross and uncross legs in no hurry, lift your glass to your lips slowly, and don't rush to do anything. Quickness and hurried gestures make us appear less confident, and looking more self-assured will get you attention, fast.

Make an Entrance

When you walk into a room, get out of a car, get up to visit the loo or enter a crowd, you're making an entry -- so do it in flirt-mode. You're the person everyone wants to get to know, and you haven't even said a word. Let your friends enter first; the best is saved for last, and that's you. Take a moment to savor your entry, and stop before you start. What this means is, begin to get up or enter, then pause for a second to look around like you might see someone you know. If you do see someone you know, pause again to smile slowly and brightly, and if you have to keep moving when you come in, make your glance around the room last for two to three long strides.

If you're really feeling up for fun, make eye contact with a few of the people near you and smile at them. It doesn't matter if they smile back or not, or you can smile at one of your friends -- the important thing is to enter the room grabbing attention, and smile like it's your party. From here, the boldest, most attention-grabbing move is to walk to the middle of the room before settling on a spot to stand. Or, you can walk forward, doing your room survey, and head to a spot that looks like a terrific vantage point for people-watching while remaining in the center of activity. Never retreat to the edges unless you want to be left alone to regroup, make a to-do list of names, or simply bask in your overwhelming desire to make men your lapdogs.

Eye Contact for the Shy

Eye contact is considered by relationship and dating experts to be the most effective tool for flirt success. When someone is being checked out, they instinctively know before they see the physical evidence -- and when instinct meets direct eye contact, your flirt target can actually experience a physical, erotic rush. Your eyes are your most remarkable weapons, able to unleash flirting abilities the world has never seen. Used properly, a careless glance can inflame the desires of every man, woman, fish, houseplant and possibly inanimate objects in the room.

Eye contact is the focus of all your efforts. Every move you make hinges on what you do with your eyes, and if you stare at the ground, no one will think you are interested, or interesting. Anyone can look at someone -- but someone special makes eye contact.

If making eye contact seems daunting, try a few exercises and learn a few cheaters that'll make you comfortable with looking directly at the person (or people) you're hot for. Pay attention to what you look at next time you walk through the office, a café, or the parking lot on the way to your car. Notice where your eyes naturally roam, whether you look at the ground, the sky, or if you skip your eyes around to look at objects. In particular, how are you looking at people -- are you looking at legs, feet, hands, or faces? Practice focusing your gaze directly level, at about the point people's faces would be. When you feel good about it, glance at an attractive person's face for a moment, and then back in front of you. You did it -- now do it a few more times until you get the hang of it.

Your next lesson in eye contact for the shy is to practice on a real-life sexy human, in a conversation. You don't need to stare raptly into their eyes until your eyes dry out and your eyelids twitch, and you start to see little fuzzy things out of the corners of your eyes. Instead, allow your eyes to travel around their face slowly, like a second hand sweeping around from noon to midnight. Rest on their eyes, and begin again. Do this whenever you feel nervous about looking into their eyes for too long, and soon you'll be captivating them with your confident gaze before you even realize it.

But wait, there's more. Eye contact is a finely honed technique for mesmerizing hotties, and you're going to learn to wield it like Xena's sword, or Buffy's stake. Pick a day when you're feeling sassy and make eye contact with sexy, total strangers -- at least two. Five in a day, then you're at the next level: making deliberate, eye contact with humans you find attractive. Try it once, and you'll see how easy and fun it is -- no one gets hurt, rejected, and there's no risk involved. Try it again and again, like rehearsals, and you'll be ready to rock harder than Joan Jett.

Eye Contact Techniques to Try in the Field

Okay, you don�t have to be a hussy to reap the benefits from these eye contact flirt techniques -- but being a bit brazen helps.

* When you have the beast in your sights, give your intended more than a glance. Let your eyes linger on theirs for a relaxed breath. Then decide if you want to keep contact for an intense across-the-room flirt, or move your eyes away to be a bit more playful in your approach.

* If they're playing hard to get, or you want to make them pay more attention, draw attention to your eyes by touching the corner of your eye as an adjustment, slightly touching the hair around your forehead, adjusting your glasses or touching a pen to your temple. Move your hands slowly.

* Make eye contact, and then break it to look at their lips, and then back again. Smile. This can be repeated with success throughout conversations.

* Truly bad girls and boys will make eye contact, slide their eyes down the front of the body, and then back up. Extra brazen points for lingering on the chest or hips.

* Of course, maintaining eye contact when you need to blink is very sexy, and lets them know you don�t want to miss a minute of their time.

That's it -- learn more in Open Source Sex 49: Seduction and Flirting Part Two

* * * * * *

My podcast flirts shamelessy, but never gets anywhere, with

Violet Blue:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Direct download: open_source_sex_48.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 12:05am PDT

open source sex 47 A quickie! Erotica by one of my best friends, Thomas Roche. I just had lunch with him last week and a book we worked on together just came out: I wrote Fetish Sex: An Erotic Guide for Couples and asked Thomas to write erotica to go with all the fetishes and hot fetish sex techniques I explain in the book, and he came up with 6 or 7 really deliciously naughty explicit pieces, yay! So listen and enjoy a short story of his I just found laying around... "Anything I Want", about what happens when a woman makes her ass 'off limits' and then in a moment of wanton weakness tells her new boyfriend he can have anything *he* wants...

* * * * * *

My podcast gets anything it wants from

Violet Blue:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Direct download: open_source_sex_47.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 11:49pm PDT