Violet Blue's Open Source Sex (itunes)
Open Source Sex -- sophisticated erotica, smart sex ed, outrageous interviews and more with leading sex educator, award-winning author and celeb columnist Violet Blue ®. Find more of this podcast at

Tonight's podcast is a non-sex short story about zombies - and me. Author of the (awesome) new zombie novel The Panama Laugh wrote a short story based on his novel's universe where a young female street punk in San Francisco goes up against a pack of zombie frat boys. The author Thomas Roche based the story on my very real life as a homeless teen here in SF. If you like action, horror and zombies (and you like me), you'll love it. If you don't like those things, tune in for the next podcast which I promise will be delightfully naughty and fun.

Direct download: Open_Source_Sex_88.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 2:54am PDT

Get Total Flirt app for iPhone now in the Apple iTunes store for $0.99 - watch this saucy, short video trailer I made and see why I'm so excited about my first app!  It’s like having a concise, interactive version of Total Flirt (the book - ) in your pocket or purse.

The Total Flirt app is an in-the-moment flirting guide. Use Total Flirt to choose your own adventure, and flirt – with success. With Total Flirt as your pocket wingmate, instantly dial up tricks and tips for every situation you’ll encounter when out on the prowl.

Secrets of pick up artists are shared in the app that tells you exactly what to do and when to do it. Start with an environment test to rate your chances of success before you make a move. Total Flirt tells you the best way to position yourself, how to proceed when your flirt-target is alone or in a group, and instructions for on-the-spot seduction with or without words. Instantly call up exact phrases and openers to make a connection with anyone you set your sights on.

This app guides you through the whole encounter: consult Total Flirt for instructions on when and how to size them up – find out if they’re worth it. Fall back on an all-purpose problem solver for everything from whether they’re into you, dealing with competition, or what to do if you think you’re being played. Total Flirt seamlessly gets you to the conclusion you desire, whether you want to see them tonight, or tomorrow – or if you need to choose an exit strategy.

Based on my book Total Flirt, it’s formulated from years of research, studies, and infiltration of male and female pick-up artist societies.

Direct download: Total_Flirt_App.mp4
Category:itunes -- posted at: 8:15pm PDT

Open Source Sex 86: How to Flirt With Geeks (Tips)


Learn how to flirt with geeks in this episiode, based on six years of research on flirting and pick-ip arts, plus get opening lines that don't suck and tips for turning fliritng into dating. Find more at

This episode is the audio version of SXSW 2011 Interactive geek flirting tips written especially for the event (known as Spring Break for Geeks).

At there are also three explict sexy geek erotica stories in different delightful flavors. To find more of the free materials I put together for Sexy Geeks, visit This URL is entirely mobile friendly, including the safer sex charts.

At you'll find the text version of this podcast, sex emergency resources for SXSW attendees of all genders and orientations, and explicit geeky erotica. Oh and the ingredients for a geek sexual survival kit. Oh, and a special discount code just for sexy geeks at - find my nerdy sex gear picks at


Direct download: Open_Source_Sex_86.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 11:52pm PDT

Open Source Sex 82: Sex Answers: Making Him Dominant, Vaginal Looseness, Adult Wet Dreams and Unexpected STD Concerns

This is an episode of sex answers. Tonight's topics include a woman who wants her boyfriend to be more dominant, a lady who is worried about vaginal looseness, a man who has wet dreams as an adult, and a girl whose boyfriend had sex outside the relationship - she wants to know what STDs or STIs she's at risk for. These anonymous questions come from my professional sex ed work; I thought it was time to share.

* Violet Blue -

* Books in this episode: , Yes SirSexual Fantasy for CouplesFetish Sex: A GuideBest Women's Erotica 2011.

Direct download: Open_Source_Sex_82.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 10:26pm PDT

Open Source Sex 80: Video Trailer for Total Flirt

Delightful, de-lovely, and a little bit devious: my new book Total Flirt is now on sale. Find out more including the Apple and Android app at In this saucy video trailer, I tell you all about how this book - six years in the making - is an authentic, practical and slightly devious flirting manual for women. It is our answer to "The Game" and pick-up artist tricks, and based on research, studies and infiltrarion of pick-up artist's secret societies - it delivers.


Total Flirt is packed with tricks and tips for every situation you’ll encounter when out on the prowl. Secrets of pick-up artists are explained and styled for the girl who wants more out of life.

Total Flirt book by Violet BlueSpend 20 minutes with a chapter in Total Flirt and learn:

* Two distinctive ways to flirt, and why you need to know the difference.
* Total Flirt relies on the science of kinesics, the study of body language and its hidden messages: learn how to communicate magnetism and seduce your target – or get rid of someone – without words.
* Take style quizzes to see what kind of flirt you are, and what kind you could be.
* Master the art of “speed flirting” and how to tell if he’s worth it.
* Get oodles of conversation starters – and exit strategies when you need to hit the “eject” button.
* Find out how to tell if he’s really into you (or just a friend), and how to eliminate the competition.
* Learn how to walk like a siren, talk like a bombshell, and seduce like a vamp — learn how to do it all online.
* How to get guys you think are “out of your league.”

Direct download: Total_Flirt_Trailer.m4v
Category:itunes -- posted at: 12:22am PDT

This is an episode of sex answers. Tonights topics include what to do with an uncut penis, what to do when you're a woman who wants your lover to change his oral sex techniques, women wanting pornogrpahy, and a question from a woman whose boyfriend wants her to be a domaintrix in the bedroom. These anonymous questions come from my professional sex ed work; I thought it was time to share.

* Violet Blue -

* Books in this episode: Sexual Fantasy for Couples, Fetish Sex: A Guide, Best Bondage Erotica 2011, Yes Ma'am. See also: Ultimate Guide to Fellatio, Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus.

Direct download: Open_Source_Sex_79.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 1:09am PDT

Open Source Sex 77: An Open Invitiation Review and Advice on Swinging and Non-Monogamy

In a recent article, I reviewed the very sophisticated adult film "An Open Invitiation" which is a love story of one couple's journey into swinging, in San Francisco. 

Links for this podcast include:

  • Website for sex educator Thomas Roche, also quoted in this episode.
Direct download: Open_Source_Sex_77.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 2:19am PDT

Open Source Sex 76: How to Kiss Video: Violet Blue's "Seal it with a Kiss" Book Trailer

Learn how to kisssomething different on Open Source Sex - a short and sweet video about my new book on kissing. Saucy, sexy, smart: Urban Outfitters calls my new book Seal it with a Kiss "The kissing bible." Find out why in this video, which includes kissing tips for virgins and kissing tricks to make your kisses unforgettable. Lots of tips and kissing how-to in this funny video trailer for the #1 book on kissing. 



Direct download: SWAKtrailer.mp4
Category:itunes -- posted at: 1:58am PDT

Open Source Sex 75: Apple's Porn Problem

Lately, Apple CEO Steve Jobs has been very vocal about his brand and its relationship to pornography, but he's left us in the dark as to why he seems to be mentioning porn at every turn. In this podcast, we go back to a simpler time when Apple appeared to be more tolerant, and I read my San Francisco Chronicle article "How to Seduce a Mac Geek."



Ryan Block, gdgt

Ryan Tate, Gawker

See also: MacLife: Of Apps and Men

See also: The Unofficial Apple Weblog: Violet Blue Macworld Interview

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Violet Blue:

More audio + ebooks:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Thank you

Direct download: Open_Source_Sex_75__Apples_Porn_Problem.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 2:39pm PDT

open source sex 71 It's here! Lush, gorgeous, arousing: Best Women's Erotica 2010 (also: UK)! In this episode I give you a taste of each story in my handpicked, heart and soul collection of the best erotica by women, for women that the globe has to offer. It might be the most daring entry in the series yet.

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Violet Blue:

More audio + ebooks:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Thank you

Direct download: open_source_sex_71.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 7:39pm PDT

open source sex 68 This is "Lost at Sea" by Peony. It is from Best Women's Erotica 2008 and is not typical fare for this podcast (or for the erotica series; it is not explicit).

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My podcast thought I was someone else for a minute, even though I enjoyed it, with

Violet Blue:

More audio + ebooks:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Direct download: open_source_sex_68.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 1:17am PDT

Erotic Role Play for Couples: Free Chapter (.pdf)

In my book Erotic Role Play: A Guide for Couples (e-book or audiobook MP3), you'll find all kinds of fun ideas, advice, sexy stories and plenty of fantasy fodder to get you adding a little (or a lot) of spice to your sex life. In chapter 1, you'll learn exactly how to ask for what you want, even if you're nervous or aren't used to talking about new sexual ideas. Besides getting you started and giving you lots of ideas, there is a test called "Who, What, Where, How and When" that couples can print out, check off their answers in a fun sex game for two, and then swap answers to see just what your lover feels like doing. It's like a sexual fantasy quiz, where everyone scores!

* Download chapter 1 from Erotic Role Play: A Guide for Couples (.PDF) free!

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My podcast love to play doctor and nurse with

Violet Blue:

More audio + ebooks:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Direct download: RolePlay4Couples.pdf
Category:itunes -- posted at: 7:15pm PDT

open source sex 66

It wasn't supposed to be on shelves until December 11, but it’s shipping *now* (and I got my hands on a red-hot copy). Best Women’s Erotica 2009 is my newest anthology — explicit lit by women, written by astoundingly talented women from all over the world. It’s so hot that when I read the first story in the collection to my lover, I was instantly jumped and deliciously molested. True story. I’ll do a podcast of Valerie Alexander’s “Fly” later. For now, hear why I’m so freaking out excited to see the fruits of a year spent editing this book made into reality — I'm reading the intense introduction I wrote.

Make no mistake, it’s a dirty, naughty book. One filled with joy, and stories that stay with you for a long time. And names you will recognize such as Trixie Fontaine (AKA Tasty Trixie), Donna George Storey, Elizabeth Coldwell, Ms. Naughty, Scarlett French, Sommer Marsden, Jaqueline Applebee, Janine Ashbless and more — plus, several newcomers being published for the first time who will be names to look out for.

It’s on Amazon right now in paper version and Kindle version.

Now, listen to my very personal intro — and enjoy.

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My podcast knows that love spreads with

Violet Blue:

More audio + ebooks:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Direct download: open_source_sex_66.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 12:27am PDT

open source sex 65 So, Bill O'Reilly wants to talk about the evils of San Francisco? He really has a hard-on for talking about what he sees as my filthy dirty sex-and-LGBT drenched city, and his fake documentary shows just what a fetish he's got. Yes, it's all about the sex -- our San Francisco Values. So Bill -- this one's for you. Next time, say it to my face. We have enough hate in the world right now. I'd be happy to "scare you straight."

Hope you all like it; it's my sermon. After this, more sexy podcasty goodness is on the way, dear listeners.


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My podcast knows that love spreads with

Violet Blue:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Direct download: open_source_sex_65.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 9:02pm PDT

open source sex 64 The most amazing sexual privacy online discussion you'll ever hear. This is the panel I organized and moderated at SXSW: Interactive 2008, including a cyberlawyer (Jason Schultz, EFF), a security expert / hacker (Jonathan Moore, 0x0000), an outed sex blogger (Zoe Margolis, Girl With A One Track Mind), and a Gawker editor (John D'Addario, It's just over an hour long, and it's riveting! Thanks to SXSW for letting me share the file with you. Here's the description:

Can anyone really be sexually anonymous online? Being outed, thinking you’re “anonymous", trolls and stalkers taking advantage of online communities, porn laws resulting in performers being stalked, Google’s history logs tracking all of us, and paying for adult goods and services online safely: Internet sexual privacy affects everyone – and our rights. This panel brings together a spectrum of views on sexual privacy and identity, including controversial sex bloggers, a cyberlaw expert and a hacker who works for a social networking site. We’ll discuss and demonstrate how easy it is to lose control of your sexual identity online – and how to get it back, or keep it intact in the first place. You don’t have to be a sex blogger, answer the wrong Craigslist ad, or order a vibrator online to have your sexual identity messed with – sometimes all you need to be is female, LGBT, or just make a simple mistake when you hit “send". The consequences can be devastating. We will explore what obstacles face maintaining personal privacy, including bad or unsympathetic online community management, system and social exploits (like Craigslist baiting and outing), stalkers and trolls, the legal aspects of sexual privacy online and their application for individuals, and what you can do to keep your sexual privacy, private.

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My podcast knows how to keep a secret or two with

Violet Blue:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Direct download: open_source_sex_64.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 4:11pm PDT

open source sex 63 In this long-awaited Open Source Sex episode, learn how to plan an erotic encounter with roles (slight roles or elaborate ones), how to time sexual surprises so they come out perfect, how to add a delicious climax to your sexual encounter, the perfect locations for certain types of erotic scenarios, and how to have a public sex scene -- and make it safe and unforgettable. I just released the audiobook Erotic Role Play: A Guide For Couples, and I'm so excited I wanted to give a chapter away! This is chapter 5, and I hope you like it. I'm also giving away the erotic role play quiz for couples -- print it out, circle your answers and then share your sexy homework. When I did it with my sweetie, I got a few interesting surprises... :)

For more info on my new DRM-free audiobook (10 MP3 chapters, over 2 hours of ideas, advice, and explicit erotica), read this:

Erotic Role Play: A Guide for Couples by Violet Blue is nine big chapters of tips, ideas and practical advice on how to turn up the heat in your sexual repertoire. Erotic role-play is when you and your lover play roles and act out sexual fantasies: Blue details exactly how role-play makes hot sex even hotter, spices up your love life when it falls into a routine, and adds playfulness and passionate intensity. If you or your lover has ever fantasized about pretending to be anything other than who you are in your daily, ordinary life, then you’re ready for the world of erotic role-play fantasies. You’re not alone, as these are among the most popular fantasies shared by couples, period.

When you try out fantasy scenarios, you’re essentially playing a sexually explicit version of “make believe.” Some couples use role-play occasionally for a little bit of kinky fun. Many others enjoy it as part of their regular sex lives, whether it’s one reliably hot scenario, or a variety of roles and predicaments. Playful, silly, explicit and warm and welcoming, this expertly written and assembled DRM-free audiobook (10 MP3’s listenable on any device) guarantees plenty of new ideas with explosive results. Features three, no-holds-barred erotic stories where couples try Blue’s advice to a delicious finish.

Chapters include:

xi Introduction: Thrill Me

1 Adventures and Predicaments
Scenarios, Roles and Predicaments * How to Bring It Up * Get Started * Who, What, Where and How Quiz (Now view or print for free as a Google Doc) * Tips for Sex Toys

2 Roles and Scenarios
Who Are You? * Everyday Roles and Scenarios (a list) * Fantasy Roles (a list)

3 Erotica: Obscene Phone Call by Scott Wallace

4 Choosing a Role
Context * Active Roles * Ideas for Control Roles * Receptive Roles * Ideas for Receptive Roles * Opposite Sex Role Play * Cross Dressing How-To * Cross Dress Roles * Roles With Age Differences

5 Make A Scene
The Perfect Plan * Timing is Everything * The Main Event * Hot Locations * Role Play Room Makeovers * La Sexo Loca in Public

6 Erotica: Bad Doggy by Julia Moore

7 Get Motivated
Props * Role Play Party Favors (list: props and motivation)

8 Scenarios
Sex With a Stranger * Exhibitionism * Forced Sex and Sexual Punishment * Sexual Power * Youth * Gender Swap * Animal Sex

9 Erotica: Rules of the Game by Thomas Roche

Availability: Instant Download
DRM-Free File Format: 10 DRM-free MP3’s and one .doc (erotic role play quiz)
.Zip File Size: 131.5 MB
ISBN: 978-0-9799019-5-9-MP3
Price: $10.00 (USD)

Buy “erotic role play: a guide for couples” .zip (all files) now, $10, via PayPal.

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My podcast loves playing nurse and patient with

Violet Blue:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Direct download: open_source_sex_63.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 1:43pm PDT

open source sex 61 Just for fun, last night after I recorded my new sex ed how-to audiobook How to Kiss, I set aside this chapter to share. It's chapter 4, where I detail all the different types of kisses: the good, the bad, and the scary! Be prepared: in some places, I giggle uncontrollably -- it was *that* kind of reading (the fun kind). The whole book is sexed-up: it also features two very explicit short erotica stories with pleanty of oral action. Yum! Find more of my inexpensive, DRM-free audiobooks and sex ed ebooks at


Sex educator Violet Blue explains throughout 9 audio chapters exactly how to make the most of the first kiss to the hottest makeout sessions. With a warm, playful tone and a lot of techniques, Blue details types of kisses, how to flirt using your mouth, kissing etiquette, erogenous zones, how to ask for a kiss with and without words and much more. Ever wonder about hickies, bites, cold sores, kissing bugs or how to deal with a bad kisser? Sweet nuzzly kisses, all-out French kissing and everything in between are in this 9-chapter, DRM-free MP3 audiobook. Blue also reads two explicit, kiss-focused erotic short stories from authors Thomas S. Roche and Oscar Shemoth.

Chapters include:

* xi Introduction :: The Sweetest Kiss
* 1 Kissing Confidential :: What’s In A Kiss? * At One With The Elements * Kiss Me Deadly, Darling
* 2 Your Sexy Mouth :: Hot Lips * Talented Tongue * Mouth Moves * Kissing Bugs * Cold Sores * The Wicked Kisser * Pamper Yourself Sexy
* 3 How-And What-To Kiss :: Techniques * Lighter Fare * Intermediate Fun * Intense Arousal * Use Your Body * Hot Spots
* 4 Kissing: A Field Guide :: Types of Kisses * French Kissing * Scary Kisses
* 5 The First Kiss :: Waiting for the Kiss * Does They Really Want It? * How to Get Them to Kiss You * Ask For A Kiss Without Words * Make the First Move * First Kiss Do’s and Don’t’s
* 6 Erotica :: Jack and Ginger by Thomas Roche
* 7 Kissing Etiquette for All
Hunters, and The Hunted * Kissing Etiquette * About Hickeys and Love Bites * Kiss Catastrophes and Cures
* 8 Advanced Techniques :: Tricks and Treats * A Smooch With a View: Best Movie Kisses * Flavored Kisses * Kissing Flavor Favorites * Flavored Lipsticks and Gloss * Music to Make Out By * Stubble Burn and How to Avoid It
* 9 Erotica :: Spanish Olive by Oscar Shemoth

Availability: Instant Download
DRM-Free File Format: 9 MP3 files
Zip File Size: 99.8 MB (quality: high)
ISBN: 978-0-9799019-2-8-MP3
Price: $7.00 (USD)

Buy “how to kiss? .zip now (all files), $7, via PayPal.

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My podcast still has hickies from

Violet Blue:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Direct download: open_source_sex_61.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 10:28pm PDT

open source sex 59 Last night at the DNA Lounge in San Francisco, I gave a five-minute talk for the nationwide O'Reilly Radar Ignite series -- my talk was called "Porn or Not?" and discussed how online 2.0 social networking communities (like Flickr) are trying to police their users for adult (or "offensive" sexual) content, and how that's working out for them. Or not. Mostly not. I had 20 slides that were automatically advanced every 15 seconds, and by the end of the talk I had veered so hysterically (and hilariously) just to the right of my script, that I ended up on the stage floor on my (stripey-socked) knees... Oh, just listen and enjoy! The place was packed and the audience really loved it. Yay!

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My podcast knows its porn from its

Violet Blue:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Direct download: open_source_sex_59.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 12:52am PDT

open source sex 58

The exciting launch of my sex-ed digital media empire,! This podcast is the introduction to my nine (9) chapter audiobook, "open source sex :: pleasure zone basics". It's DRM-free MP3 files for $5 that cover a wide variety of sex ed topics, with techniques and my usual silliness. I have audiobooks for couples on the way, in addition to e-books (in a variety of formats) featuring more sex ed and erotica -- all cheap and shareable. True "open source sex", as I explain in this podcast. Yay! A funny book-tech-nerd note: this might be the first .zip file with an official ISBN number. Here are the details about the audiobook this podcast talks about, forgive the third person sales text:

Violet Blue’s popular Open Source Sex podcast has educated millions. “open source sex ed audio :: pleasure zone basics? is a 9-chapter audiobook that combines select podcasts with exciting new material. Learn all about male and female physiology for pleasure — that’s what the good parts are to touch, and how they like to be touched. You’ll also hear about how they taste, and exactly what to do when you want perform oral sex (cunnilingus or fellatio) on a lucky someone. Learn all about the g-spot, the prostate, male anal penetration with a strap-on for couples, rimming and more; each topic is filled with specific techniques. With her hip, humorous, warm and all-inclusive, non-judgmental (yet explicit) approach to sex ed, it’s no wonder Webnation calls Blue, “the leading sex educator for the Internet generation.?

Chapters include:

* Introduction: What is “open source sex??
* 1: Female sexual physiology for pleasure
* 2: The G-spot, where it is and how to have fun with it
* 3: Male sexual physiology for pleasure
* 4: The prostate — fun, healthy, sexy techniques
* 5: Strap-on sex for couples
* 6: Oral taste of a man, oral taste of a woman (and how to change it)
* 7: Oral sex — techniques for fellatio and cunnilingus
* 8: Rimming — safe, clean and fun

Availability: Instant Download
File Format: .zip of DRM-free MP3 chapters (111.5 MB)
ISBN: 978-0-9799019-1-1
Price: $5.00 (USD)

Buy “pleasure zone basics? now, DRM-free, $5, via PayPal

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My podcast leg-humps

Violet Blue:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Direct download: open_source_sex_58.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 5:47pm PDT

open source sex 57

A total, ultimate primer on the G-spot: what it is, how to find it, how to stimulate it, what it feels like, recommended toys and more -- a lot of info, but just a taste of what's in my new book The Smart Girl's Guide to the G-Spot. The book has waaaaay more, including g-spot positions for couples and all about female ejaculation. Yay!

Read more about the G-spot on my slippery delicious G-spot info page, with book excerpts and additional links.

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My podcast is still looking for's G-spot

Violet Blue:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Direct download: open_source_sex_57.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 1:49am PDT

open source sex 54 Gimme some sugar, baby -- here's a quick and sweet lecture about playing with the prostate for pleasure. Yum!

This podcast is also a textcast: click the center of your iPod's trackwheel three times to read the text as you listen to me talk.

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The Anus and Prostate

Surprisingly little is known about the prostate gland's pleasure purposes. It produces prostatic fluid (the clear liquid that carries sperm during ejaculation), it grows as a man ages (sometimes dangerously), and in case you missed the last podcast -- it can feel really, really good when sexually stimulated. Prostatic fluid comprises up to a third of the liquid volume in ejaculate. It’s clear that it plays an important role in the male pleasure cycle, and it has become touted as the male g-spot. Some call it the "p-spot". When a man reaches the point of orgasmic “no return? (ejaculatory inevitability), the prostate gland joins the seminal vesicles and other ducts in a little do-si-do of pleasant-feeling spasms and rhythmic contractions to create ejaculate -- and this is before the contractions of orgasm. If you are stimulating a man’s prostate prior to and during ejaculation, you can often feel the gland swell to hardness, then contract before his orgasm.

The Male G-Spot

The prostate gland is within the front wall of the anal opening, usually around 1 to 3 inches inside and forward (toward the front of the body or belly button). Its location inside the wall is just behind the bulb of the penis, beneath the bladder, surrounding the urethra in a ring. Because the prostate is anchored at the internal base of the penis, when a man thrusts hard with an erect penis he transmits highly pleasurable sensations to the prostate. It’s a little larger than a quarter in size, though it is heart-shaped and is usually described as being the size of a small walnut.

One of the reasons that a man might like anal play is because massaging the prostate gland feels incredibly pleasurable and can make orgasm very powerful. But he might also like it because the anus and anal opening is rich with nerve endings that feel good to the touch; the 15,000 pudendal nerve fibers that wire and electrify the entire pelvis interact with the nerve bundles in the anus and prostate. There are also psychological factors in play here -- what's a filthier insult than ass, what's dirtier than shit, what's as insultingly feminine as penetration (and liking it)? He may like that it’s a big taboo, that it’s a “dirty? thing to do; maybe no one touches him there and it means a lot to have you care about his pleasure; or it may be part of a dominant/submissive fantasy scenario in which he “makes? you do it, or you “make? him submit to it. One thing is certain -- the men who like anal stimulation like it a lot, and for many of these men, prostate stimulation can turn an orgasm into an unforgettable experience.

But wait -- ass class is still in session: the perineum stretches from the base of the testicles to the anus, where it is no longer perineum and definitely ass. It has some hair, either a light, downy covering, or a thick, coarse carpet -- it’s different on every man. All humans have hair around their anus, whatever your gender; if you don’t, then you either shave it or are too young to be reading this. Between his cheeks, you’ll see the anal opening, a pucker that will differ in color from the skin on the rest of the body. In fact, it’s common for the thin skin surrounding the pucker to be lighter or darker in color between the cheeks.

Like the prostate, penis and most internal orgasms of the body, the anus is controlled by what are known as "smooth muscles", meaning that they're not striated nor are they bulkable like biceps, and like any smooth or shifty character, they are indeed out of your control. So, flexing a cock won't make it bigger, and having anal orgasms won't give you "six-pack" butt muscles -- though an increase in orgasmic muscle tone is good for all pelvic functions and healthy for stimulating blood flow to the genital region. Interestingly, there are several sphincter muscles in the human body (like the iris of the eye), but the ones that matter here are the two anal sphincter muscles, the inner, which is smooth and involuntary, and the outer, which is under voluntary control and will more or less behave when you tell it to.

The anal opening is packed with nerve endings that make it pleasurable to play with when the owner is aroused. Anal play is fun and feels good if you play according to the terrain; the anus is not self-lubricating so you must always use lots of lube. The skin is thin and tears easily so you have to touch and penetrate with items that are absolutely smooth. The muscles are sometimes slow to relax, so you too must be slow to invade their space. And because the inner muscles are involuntary, they push and pull things in and out as they please, so you must take care never to insert items that could get "lost" in the rectum. Because then, you and your smooth operators will wind up in the ER.

While this all may seem like a guide to safer spelunking rather than down and dirty fucking al fresco, you really don’t need a flashlight to find the prostate, or be a sex expert to make it feel wonderful as you go along in search of the prize. To feel the prostate, insert a well-lubricated finger inside his anal opening and stroke toward the front of his body, in a “come-hither? motion. It may be too soft to feel easily in its unaroused state; in fact, you may not be able to feel it at all until he becomes aroused, when it swells and hardens. Similarly to the g-spot in women, the prostate may trigger the feeling of needing to urinate when stroked. For men who aren’t ready for penetration, you can stimulate the prostate indirectly by massaging the perineum in firm circles with the flat of your thumb. Some men like perineum massage only when they’re aroused, and some don’t like it at all—when in doubt, ask.

Beneath your fingers, you'll feel that the gland is rounded, shaped like a walnut, but slightly cleaved down the center so it has a furrowed seam and two subtle halves that can be felt with the pad of your finger (when touched from inside the anus). In size it can be anywhere from the size of a small chestnut to a large walnut, or even larger in men over forty. When he’s aroused, it swells and becomes firm to the touch, and it’s a lot easier to feel it. Plus, it’s much more fun to touch when he’s hot and bothered.

Apart from possibly making him feel like peeing, touching his prostate will certainly make him feel a fullness and pressure that he can feel in his penis. Juicy men who are prone to leaking pre-come may leak a little more when you massage their prostate; that’s because the prostate is where the fluid comes from. Massage it gently but firmly; you can simply move your finger in the come-hither motion, or you can keep your curved finger stiff and move it in and out. As he gets close to orgasm the gland will swell more, and it will get quite hard before he ejaculates. Summit, reached; view, breathtaking.

* * * * * *

My podcast learned about the "taint" from

Violet Blue:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Direct download: open_source_sex_54.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 3:50pm PDT

open source sex 53 Guess what -- I'm back. It's been quite a ride during the break, and thank you for sticking around (or welcome back if you took a break as well). This new episode has me taking you on a tour of male sexual anatomy for pleasure. From front door to back, I explain physiology and pleasure, and what parts like to be touched, and how.

This podcast is also a textcast: click the center of your iPod's trackwheel three times to read the text as you listen to me talk.

* * * * * * *

Male pleasure podcast

The System: Penis, Testicles, Pelvis, Anus: Prostate in the Center

Contrary to marketing stereotypes, men cannot be stimulated to orgasm with horsepower, touchdowns or swimsuit editions -- the wick of Eros may be lit above the shoulders, but it glows at crotch level, thank you very much. You might think that it's a simple affair, that like all of its correspondingly yawn-worthy phallic allegories of guns and hoses, getting a guy off is as simple as "unzip fly, aim, and shoot". But as we'll see, a cigar isn't always a cigar, and not only is the male pleasure system deliciously connected and complex, but the packaging is exciting, versatile, and rejoices in delightful deviance.

Men’s genitals all begin from the same stuff in utero (a la the fetal genital ridge), but as a boy grows into the uniqueness that is him, his parts grow with him and become as unique to him as his face and fingerprints. But though there are infinite variations, what you will generally encounter when you slide the man out of his Calvins is: a penis (circumcised or not), a scrotal sack containing two testicles, and pubic hair that usually covers the mound over the pubic bone, the base of the penis, the testicles, and the perineum (from the base of the balls to the anus). The skin on the pubic mound, the perineum, and the anus is similar in texture to the skin on the rest of his body, but usually a different shade. It deepens and changes in color as it reaches the base of the penis and the scrotum. The darker skin is softer and thinner than the skin on the rest of his body.
There are many nice things about penises -- especially that each man has his very own. Penises come in a variety of shapes and sizes. The range of sensation, size and responsiveness is also different for each man and depends on various factors -- so rule number one is that you can’t predict anything based on the way a penis looks. They also vary greatly in size, both in flaccid (soft) and erect (hard) states. The size of a man’s soft penis is not a reliable gauge of its erect state, or attitude once fully hard; it could have the body of a supermodel but the brain of a… supermodel. It could be Clark Kent, Dr. Jekyll, Diana Prince…

Powers of transformation aside, the base of the penis sprouts from the pubic mound, which is usually covered with hair—it can be thick as a forest, or thin and barely there. The skin covering the pubic bone (or pubic mound) is generally fleshier than any of the skin surrounding it, and the mound is where the skin begins to deepen in color as it meets the base of the penis. The shaft of the penis begins just below the pubic bone and continues internally almost all the way to the anus. This part of the penis can't be sized up through jeans, or compared in the locker room, but rather than a private joke, it's more like a secret smile.

Penises come in more shapes, sizes, and variations than words can communicate -- though there certainly has been a lot written about them. The skin covering a man’s penis is almost always darker in tone than the skin everywhere else (though sometimes it’s lighter), and it’s smoother in texture. Colors can range from the lightest pink to the deepest chocolate and anywhere in between. The color at the tip, also called the head, or glans, will generally differ from the rest of the penis, especially his circumcision scar if he has one, and penises are seldom the same color all over. Shapes are yet another variable: he can be thick at the base and slender at the tip, wide from top to bottom, with a wide head but slender in girth, or any number of combinations, each of which is perfectly normal. The color, size, and shape of a man’s penis has nothing to do with how he responds to your stimulation -- or what type of lover he is.

Hot dogs, cannons, skyscrapers, or trains: tasty, scary, swaggering, stereotypical -- a phallus is still just a phallus. The penis is essentially a long shaft, or tube, that ends at the tip with the urethral opening, where urine and ejaculate (sperm or “come?) leave the body. Inside the penis, the urethra continues as a long tube through the center of two other larger tubes of spongy erectile tissue, whose proper names are corpus cavernosum and corpus spongiosum. When arousal triggers an erection, these tissues fill with blood, hardening the shaft and head of his penis.

 However, an erection does not always indicate whether a man is aroused; he can be perfectly, happily aroused and remain unerect.

At the tip is where you’ll find the head, or glans. The head has the largest concentration of nerve endings in the penis, and it can be very responsive to stimulation—sometimes extremely sensitive to touch (especially after orgasm). Always ask your partner what level of stimulation works for him at any given time with the head of his cock, because his preference levels will change throughout the pleasure cycle. The head is often bulbous -- anywhere from slightly to quite pronounced. If he’s uncircumcised, in its soft state the head will be covered in a thin jacket of skin called a foreskin. As his penis becomes aroused, the glans will harden and emerge. In North America, most infant boys are circumcised, a process in which the foreskin is removed immediately after the bundle of joy first sees the light of his new world -- and perhaps regrets not getting a round-trip ticket.

Beneath the head of his cock is usually the most sensitive part, which some men claim is their “sweet spot,? the spot they really enjoy having touched when they’re aroused. This spot can range in location from just at the urethral opening to farther down the underside of the shaft, where circumcised men will have a bas-relief scar in memory of the foreskin. On an uncircumcised man, this spot runs along the same area, beneath the tip of the cockhead, from the urethral opening (underside) to approximately where the inner skin of the foreskin's hood becomes the outer skin of the penis.

Underneath the penis is where we find the scrotal sack, containing the two testicles  -- or not. Not all men have a pair, and some inherit a trifecta of fruit and get three for the price of admission. Men can indeed have one, two, or more testicles from the time they are born, or they might later have one (or more) removed for medical reasons, such as cancer. These are the “balls.? Their wrinkly, fleshy container, the scrotum (or scrotal sack), hangs attached at the base of his penis and can be the same color as the penis or darker in tone. With rare exceptions, the testicles are usually covered with a lighter covering of hair than the pubic bone, yet they can sometimes be just as furry. Most men’s testicles hang unevenly; one is usually lower than the other.

To "testify" is to swear upon the truth of your words; the word comes from the male ritual of gripping their most prized possession while making an oath upon their sexual chestnuts, as it were. I swear on my nutsack to tell the truth, the whole truth. Of course, we're talking about the scrotum, which is the container of loose, thin skin that holds the testicles inside. Its unusual characteristic is the cremaster muscle, which causes the testicles to wrinkle here and there and to go up and down as they contract and relax. It’s really a heat regulator: when it’s chilly, the muscle will pull the scrotum up and the testicles close to the body, and when the temperature rises, it relaxes and lets them hang. Before he’s about to ejaculate, the muscle retracts, pulling the testicles close to the base of the penis, as if to say, I swear this is going to feel really good.

It may seem like all they do is hang around waiting for something to happen, but the testicles are like a continually running software program, quietly performing many functions in the background while we're all online browsing cock. These small, egg-shaped spheres feel uneven and bumpy in texture when you touch them through the skin, but that’s because they’re tightly wound masses that consist of tubes -- similar to a rubber-band ball. Between the tubes are cells that produce that celebrity hormone testosterone, and the tubes themselves are where sperm are born and bred. The sperm travel from the tubes through a lumpy mass at the back of the testicle that’s actually one long coiled-up tube, and into the fast freeway of the vas deferens. Destination: urethra.

A man’s testicles are very sensitive to the touch, but many men enjoy having them caressed, lightly massaged, or even gently tugged or pulled during foreplay and arousal. Most men will not enjoy having them slapped, spanked or roughly pulled -- but there are exceptions, and this type of pleasure play should be expressly discussed in advance. Generally, you should treat them like a pair of delicate eggs.

Behind the testicles and between the thighs is a flat stretch of skin that’s also covered with hair and often the same color as the penis -- this is his perineum. Beneath the skin of the perineum is where the root, or bulb, of the penis lies, and when he gets an erection you can feel this area harden too. Stroke or rub this area during other sexual stimulation, and you will probably get a positive response -- in part, because you are indirectly massaging his prostate.

So it's no myth that anal sex feels good, yet for men there is much more to the anal pleasure inventory than for us gals: thanks to the prostate gland, when a man reaches the summit of pleasure through anal stimulation, he instantly gets a lot more than a great view. Orgasmically speaking, when a man comes from anal stimulation, he gets the most explosively exuberant sunrise -- an unbelievably deep and powerful orgasm -- every time he makes the well-lubed trek.

The prostate gland is the celebrity star of the male body. It is at once super villain and action hero: the source of ever-pervasive threat of cancer, and the possible promise of legendary pleasures. Rebuked, reviled, redeemed, and romanced, this little gland manages to make headlines when viewed from any angle. Sometimes the attention is conflicted: the gland makes prostatic fluid for carrying virile semen, making the man “a man?; it also makes orgasm outrageously powerful but requires access through anal penetration, questioning some people’s definition of “a man.? The world of medicine has us thinking of the prostate in only the most functional terms: embarrassing health treatments; primordial DNA delivery service.

But in fact the prostate is a symphony of packaging, form and function. Design Within Reach has nothing on this Deco-reminiscent, heart-shaped secretory organ -- gland, as in glandular -- secretory, literally "to secrete".  In its jaunty seat within the command center of the male pleasure system, the prostate gland is located inside the perineal wall, nestled within the internal root of the penis. It sits just below the bladder, producing the fluid that mixes with semen in ejaculate (and that lusciously lusty liquid evidence of male arousal, pre-come), and is connected to the urethra, the muscles that line the perineum, and the sphincter muscle.

If there’s an epicenter to male orgasm, then the prostate must be it. Many men, though not all, find that when they’re aroused, prostate stimulation is intensely pleasurable; that’s because the nerve pathway from the brain to the penis runs through the rectum, and one large nerve bundle is located just beneath the prostate. Because the penis is more or less anchored at the prostate, when you massage the prostate you also transmit sensation to the base of his penis.

* * * * * *

My podcast learned about the "taint" from

Violet Blue:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Direct download: open_source_sex_53.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 3:36pm PDT

open source sex 49 Seduction and flirting, part two. In this part two, I explain the powerful tool known as smiling, how to start a conversation, what to talk about, how to tell if they're interested in you (or not) and how to stop it when you decide you don;t like them. And -- I totally lose it cracking up laughing near the end, a sign of danger for whoever I flirt with and seduce next... These seduction and flirting podcasts are a giggly, fun and informative explanation all about flirting and seducing someone you're interested in, whether they're a stranger or a long-term lover. Everyone loves being seduced, and you don't need to resort to cheap tricks or hypnotism to make a hot, fast connection.

This podcast is also a textcast: click the center of your iPod's trackwheel three times to read the text as you listen to me talk. I veer off the text quite a few times and crack myself up more than once, so consider yourself warned...

Seduction and Flirting: Part Two

Smiling is a powerful thing. The easiest way to disarm, relax and intrigue a anyone is with a smile. It sounds simple and corny, but when you're flirting, a soft or slight smile dancing on your lips is an instant relaxer. A smile gives the unconscious impression that you have a great sense of humor, are approachable and that being around you is safe and indicative of a good time. Yes, a smile says all that without words. And even a light smile while talking can make you appear that much more inviting.

Next time you people-watch, look around at how everyone is holding their mouths, and how it speaks volumes about your impression of them. Someone with tight unsmiling lips seems stressed, unfriendly. Another person might have a frown, or be posing with a serious mean look -- no smile here, just unapproachable people. Find people in the crowd who are smiling, laughing, or have just the tiniest hint of a smile playing around the corners of their mouths. See how they look more attractive, friendly, and sexy? We instinctively feel good around people who are smiling -- and that's just how you'll want any potential flirt-targets to feel when they look at you.

A smile does indeed weave a spell around you. But you don’t need to look like Mommie Dearest walking through the subway or standing at the snack table. No, a maniacal smile will send the opposite message. You just need the tiniest smile at the corners of your mouth to look sexy, happy and open. Keep your lips closed, and gently curve the edges up in a half-smile, and this is the sexy smile you'll use when you make an entrance, stroll sexily across a room, gaze at paintings, survey the last of the snack table's cheese in a can, or anything else you happen to be doing.

Our lips are one of the most suggestive, sensual erogenous zones we've got -- and right on our faces. When someone is interested in you, they'll look at your lips almost as much as your eyes. You can slyly direct them to look at your lips throughout your entire communication with them, no matter if you're talking or not. During conversation, you can play around with what touches your lips, how they are touched and what goes in and out of them. Bite your lower lip suggestively while smiling; rub them together softly and smile. Bite the end of your finger for a second -- tilting your head down to do so is very flattering to your eyes and face. Touch your straw to them before you sip. Rub them lightly on the edge of a glass. If you're not sure they're paying attention, direct their gaze to your lips with a pen, finger, straw, snack, or utensil.

Wear a soft smile like lip-balm -- remember to reapply every chance you get. But when you open your mouth to say anything, make sure you frame it with an even bigger smile. Smiling while you talk does a couple of neat tricks: it makes you easier to hear because it opens up your mouth to let more sound out (allowing you to speak in a sexy low tone without amplifying), and it makes anything you say seem instantly more fun. The talking smile lights up your entire face, gives you the appearance of seeming genuinely engaged with the person you're talking to, and makes them feel special -- it's as if the act of talking to them is causing your happiness.

Then there is the ultimate smile to use as a devastating flirt tool, the smile of serious flirtation -- the eye contact smile that slowly transforms from a soft smile to full, teeth-exposed smile, all while staring and blushing like a fiend. This is the doomsday weapon you employ when you want it bad, and you want them to know that you mean it. This smile can be wicked, naughty and direct -- or sweet, sublime and joyously flirtatious. Either way, it sends a clear message: I want, I want, I want.

Okay, but what the hell do I say?

You need to make what they call in science fiction movies, "first contact." Mars, meet Venus; Sigourney, meet Aliens. Stand close to your flirt-target (but not so close they feel trapped) and make eye contact -- smile right away. If they avoid your eyes, or don't smile back, move on to the next prospect. But if they smile and look into your eyes, the game has begun.

They might start talking first, in which case you can follow their lead and off you go. But if it's your move first -- you can tell if they don't say something within the first 3-4 seconds -- make it so. Don't panic if you can't think of anything for a second; instead let your situation give you clues about what to say. You'll want your starting conversation to be ordinary, light and something that fits the situation you're both in. Start with a question or comment on your surroundings, or the world around you. Everything from "is it cold in here, or is it just me?" to "who are you with -- do you know the hostess?' is all fair game. Consider your situation and think of an opener before you make your approach.

The best thing to do in any situation with a stranger, especially one you want to flirt with, is to ask them about themself -- then listen, and ask more questions. If your first opener doesn’t go anywhere, move on to the next opener, and make it another question. People seldom find others who are interested in their opinions, or want to know more about them, and it's a terrific way to get someone to like you instantly. Take it easy talking about yourself, and if they ask you questions back, then bonus. That means they're interested in you, too.

There are three main rules for starting a conversation with someone sexy. First, stay away from negative comments because you never know what they might find upsetting -- they might love those little dogs you're making fun of, or the creepy guy you're making jokes about might be their friend. Rule number two is that a question always follows a question. Your job as the conversation starter is to keep if moving, and if one opening question goes nowhere, follow it with one on a different topic. If on the third try, your conversation still hangs in the air like a fart, make an excuse and move on to the next prospect (or to the bar, off to fix your look, etc.). The final rule of starting conversation is to not invest too much into someone you just met. If they can't keep up the conversation, then you mistakenly picked a dud and should move on. Either you "click" or you don't, and if the openers feel like weak one-liners, then you haven’t found your match -- keep looking.

Sample Conversation Starters:

* Talk about the world. "The subway/drive over was crazy tonight. Do you know if there was an accident?" "Isn't this weather great/awful/strange/apocalyptic?"

* Ask a question pertinent to your surroundings. "Do you know whose artwork this is?" "Have you been here before. I'm looking for a drinking glass..." "Didn't this Starbucks used to be a mortuary?"

* Ask them about themselves in relation to the surroundings. "Are you a friend of the hostess/performer/bartender?" "Who do you know here? How did you meet?" "What do you think of this place/the artwork/the show/the song that's playing?"

* Comment on a noteworthy or unusual item in your surroundings. "Have you seen the stereo, it's like those huge computers in old sci-fi movies! Number One: engage the disco, stat!" "That houseplant is out of control -- I'd be worried I'd wake up in its mouth!"

* Talk about the reason you're there. "How long have you been a fan of Marilyn Manson?" "The parties here are always a blast. Have you been here before?"

* Absolutely ask questions you already know the answer to. Ask what time it is, where the snacks are, if the drinks are any good (hide your cocktail), what the weather was like in the city today, etc.

* Be humorously contrary; look for humor in your situation and humor in what he says to you. For instance, if it's 100 degrees in the room, ask jokingly if you can borrow a coat.

Don't Do It:

* Depend on other people to have a good time.

* Flirt wasted, really drunk, stoned, trashed, depressed, stressed-out, or mad.

* Look bored.

* Negatively tease your flirt-target. No one likes to think they might be being made fun of.

* Freeze up, verbally or physically.

* Point at the person you're talking to when gesturing.

A good speaker will stand so that his or her body is "open" to everyone listening, especially toward one person in particular. In a group, focus your open stance toward one, or exactly between two of your listeners. Have your feet apart, toes facing out and keep your arms uncrossed. Use your hands to illustrate your points and to help you tell a story. Hands are excellent tools to conduct your listener's attention, and you can draw direct focus on yourself by making finger gestures that mimic pinching, with thumb and forefingers, as if picking up a pen.

Your arm and hand gestures can be subtle and waist-high, or be a bit more flamboyant with movements that remain between waist and shoulders. Avoid flapping your arms or movements that could send an elbow into an unsuspecting boob (literal or figurative), as outlandish gestures just wind up looking dorky, drunk or hysterical.

Try to keep your head tilted down slightly to suggest directness in your conversation. Keep eye contact, but mix it up. If you're in a group, look at everyone in a pattern that begins and ends with the same person, alternating for breaks when people make jokes or if the conversation moves to another speaker. If you're one-on-one, keep your eye contact consistent while speaking, but take 5-10 second visual breaks to let your listener look at other parts of you.

But is your flirt target even listening to your incredible story about saving the kittens from the burning building? How do you know they're really interested? When they're really listening, they will:

* Make "keep going" gestures, including smiles, nods, little "mmh" noises that punctuate the breaks in your conversation, or small prompts such as "really?" "what!" "uh-huh" and "tell it, girlfriend."

* They will listens with their body, leaning forward, widening eyes and nodding along with positive things you say.

* Their face will look animated.

* They'll ask questions.

* They'll be looking at you most of the time you're talking.

* Lots of smiles.

If it's time to change the channel and flirt with someone else, your non-listener will show disinterest by:

* Finishing your sentences. (Plus, it's just rude. Next!)

* Fidgeting their legs and feet while you talk.

* Excessive fiddling with their stuff or person; toying with buttons, digging through pockets, doodling, etc.

* Answering their cell phone. Dude, you're so fired!

* Nodding or making prompting comments in the wrong spots or at the wrong times.

* Slouching and crossed arms.

* Eye contact less than 50% of the time.

While the many of the guidelines I've recommended are handy for assessing a successful flirting encounter, it just so happens that quite a few of us tend to be attracted to members of the herd that some might consider shy, introverted, even geeky, nerdy or are alluring socially dysfunctional mad-scientist types. These subsets of the species are tougher to read. The sexy geek could be going out of their powerful, overworked mind to get you alone and are hanging on every word, but their excitement translates into obsessively folding a napkin until it disintegrates or answering your queries with nervous little grunts.

These special creatures are worth experimenting with. Change the topic. Ask about their life. Change your tone and deepen your voice slightly. Slow your speech down a notch or two, and lower your volume a tiny bit. Or, speed up the pace and don’t be afraid to make silly jokes. Shy guys and girls tend to be smarter than the rest and will appreciate your willingness to make fun of yourself, and everyone else.

Eject Button

All signs were go, so you started to divide and conquer. But within a few minutes, you know you made a mistake. How do you get out of it? Try these handy tips:

* Pick your teeth with a knife.

* Talk about your husband and co-wives.

* Make an excuse to exit the conversation, such as "nature calls," "I have to make a call," or "I think my parole officer is calling."

* Tell him you have to sit down because you're so hung over you think you're "going to barf."

* Fake an orgasm.

* Tell them how much you hate bathing.

* Burp the lyrics to whatever song is playing.

* Thrust your pelvis in time with your burps.

* Disagree with everything they say.

* Spill your drink and leave to get a new one.

* Spill your drink, and leave to pee in the coat closet.

* Ask what their favorite food is, and laugh about how it gives you explosive diarrhea.

Then, this is where I totally crack up and lose it and stop the podcast, ready to frighten the next guy or girl I flirt with in a bar... :)

That's it -- learn more in Open Source Sex 48: Seduction and Flirting Part One

* * * * * *

My podcast totally faked an orgasm once with

Violet Blue:

Click here to launch iTunes: Open Source Sex

Direct download: open_source_sex_49.mp3
Category:itunes -- posted at: 12:21am PDT

open source sex 48 Seduction and flirting, part one. This is a giggly, fun and informative set of podcasts all about flirting and seducing someone you're interested in, whether they're a stranger or a long-term lover. Everyone loves being seduced, and you don't need to resort to cheap tricks or hypnotism to make a hot, fast connection. In pasrt one, I explain confidence (and how to fake it), body language (with tips celebrities use to get noticed), how to make an entrance, and how to use eye contact -- even if you're really shy.

This podcast is also a textcast: click the center of your iPod's trackwheel three times to read the text as you listen to me talk. I veer off the text quite a few times and crack myself up more than once, so consider yourself warned...

Seduction and Flirting: Part One

Your goals don't need to be world domination or creating an army of male slaves -- though all skill levels are encouraged to apply. Perhaps you're tired of being the too-quiet one in the group and for a change you'd like to be the attention-magnet for an evening. Or maybe you're on the prowl for a down-and-dirty fling. You don't even have to dress saucy to be a first-rate flirt; your powers to attract and seduce are your own secret weapon, one that you can use to strike at any time, in any place, in any guise. This podcast will give you concrete tools to nurture your flirting powers, useful for a lifetime of being a femme (or homme) fatale flirt.

Prescription for Flirt Success: Confidence

First, you'll need to master the use of one secret weapon that works anywhere, anytime, and in any outfit, from stilettos to sneakers -- confidence. Like a trademark logo, confidence lets your flirt- or seduction-targets know immediately that there is something special about you, and acts like a homing-beacon for interested parties. Confidence need not be brash or flashy. It can be subtle, sophisticated or powerful -- and it doesn't matter what you look like, how you really feel inside, or how klutzy you are. It is the key element of your most effective flirting techniques.

Confidence, no matter who's got it, is always an act. It is a learned behavior, faked until it's second nature. Ask any exotic dancer, and she'll tell you how scared she was the first time she danced onstage naked, but she just acted confident, fooling everyone. A focus on behaving confidently helps you to keep sight of your goals while acting like the queen of the universe (even if you feel like hiding or running in tight little circles screaming), and keeps you motivated. Never pay attention to the critics in, or outside of, your head. Proceed with confidence through any room or conversation and you'll be projecting enough internal strength to make your critics disappear.

But what if you don't feel confident? Don't you wish there were some pill you could take? Why can't you just *be* confident?

I'm worried that I'll look ridiculous.

Plan your strategies, learn seductive body language, try on your outfits and makeup ahead of time, and you can't miss. If you have a plan, the only thing they'll see is someone sexy who feels confident and enjoys life. They'll also be interested to talk to you. The only thing that might show is nervousness, but that will disappear after the first few minutes.

What if I screw it up?

Take every precaution to make sure that you feel comfortable and sexy in your outfit, that you have a few topics to chat about, and a backup plan of something to do if you don't instantly connect with someone (especially at a public gathering). If you're klutzy, be prepared to distract them by laughing when you trip over the host's prized poodle, and smile wickedly at your prey when you spill your mimosa all over the h'ors d'ourves, as if to say, "I meant to do that. Watch me now!" A sense of humor layered with a sense of erotic purpose and determination will make them forget all about the spilled drink -- especially if you reveal a bit of cleavage or a sweet smile when you mop it up with all the napkins meant for the guests. Plus, I think ripped stockings are quite sexy.

My body isn't what I want it to be.

Join the biggest club in the world. Everyone feels this way on one level or another, even the "perfect" people. If you don�t like it, make a plan to change it. If you can't change it, work it. If you've got a sexy toy-boy lined up as your erotic plaything remember that this situation won't be around forever, so you better make the most of what you've got to offer. Chances are high that you're a lot sexier than you think, because sexy comes from inside, not the outside. Just ask any stripper who performs when she's on her period -- and they *all* do. If you're worried about "stacking up" to others, be it with breast size or other measurement concerns, remember that bigger boobs won�t make you sexier, they'll just make you someone with big boobs. And yes, people can be insensitive critics and say inappropriate things. If you find yourself mistakenly flirting with one of these clueless critics, change the channel and flirt with someone worthy.

It's All About Body Language

Make the most of the effective flirting super tool known as body language. First, examine what you're projecting without trying -- then play around with saying exactly what you want without even opening your mouth. Look at how your body moves naturally and try out a few subtle changes that, in mere seconds, take you from being passed over, to fending off passes all night long.

It's all a matter of using a few tricks: Pull your shoulders back and take a deep breath, imagining your breath pulling your chest wider, and the center of your chest up toward the ceiling. Straighten your back and arch the lower back slightly -- a good way to do this (and make your legs appear longer and your butt more attractive) is to wear heels. Pull your head up and back slightly as well. Each of these small adjustments can be made slowly, in a room full of people, and imperceptibly, even though you haven't said a thing, you will appear more confident. These are techniques celebrities use whenever they are in public, don't feel up to being "perfect," or want to get noticed -- and you can make the most of them, too. Also, examine the body language of people you consider sexy, your friends or celebrities, and mimic what you like.

When in flirt- or seduction-mode, you're going to want to appear confident, relaxed and happy. Maybe secretly you feel like a dork, nervous, silly, mad, worried or cranky. No one needs to know your true feelings when you shift your body just as I described; these subtle techniques project an air of strong self-knowledge and an aura of magnetism. Body language is that powerful. Try to remind yourself regularly throughout the day or evening to straighten, tilt back and open your chest. Add to that a slight, general slowing down of your gestures; cross and uncross legs in no hurry, lift your glass to your lips slowly, and don't rush to do anything. Quickness and hurried gestures make us appear less confident, and looking more self-assured will get you attention, fast.

Make an Entrance

When you walk into a room, get out of a car, get up to visit the loo or enter a crowd, you're making an entry -- so do it in flirt-mode. You're the person everyone wants to get to know, and you haven't even said a word. Let your friends enter first; the best is saved for last, and that's you. Take a moment to savor your entry, and stop before you start. What this means is, begin to get up or enter, then pause for a second to look around like you might see someone you know. If you do see someone you know, pause again to smile slowly and brightly, and if you have to keep moving when you come in, make your glance around the room last for two to three long strides.

If you're really feeling up for fun, make eye contact with a few of the people near you and smile at them. It doesn't matter if they smile back or not, or you can smile at one of your friends -- the important thing is to enter the room grabbing attention, and smile like it's your party. From here, the boldest, most attention-grabbing move is to walk to the middle of the room before settling on a spot to stand. Or, you can walk forward, doing your room survey, and head to a spot that looks like a terrific vantage point for people-watching while remaining in the center of activity. Never retreat to the edges unless you want to be left alone to regroup, make a to-do list of names, or simply bask in your overwhelming desire to make men your lapdogs.

Eye Contact for the Shy

Eye contact is considered by relationship and dating experts to be the most effective tool for flirt success. When someone is being checked out, they instinctively know before they see the physical evidence -- and when instinct meets direct eye contact, your flirt target can actually experience a physical, erotic rush. Your eyes are your most remarkable weapons, able to unleash flirting abilities the world has never seen. Used properly, a careless glance can inflame the desires of every man, woman, fish, houseplant and possibly inanimate objects in the room.

Eye contact is the focus of all your efforts. Every move you make hinges on what you do with your eyes, and if you stare at the ground, no one will think you are interested, or interesting. Anyone can look at someone -- but someone special makes eye contact.

If making eye contact seems daunting, try a few exercises and learn a few cheaters that'll make you comfortable with looking directly at the person (or people) you're hot for. Pay attention to what you look at next time you walk through the office, a café, or the parking lot on the way to your car. Notice where your eyes naturally roam, whether you look at the ground, the sky, or if you skip your eyes around to look at objects. In particular, how are you looking at people -- are you looking at legs, feet, hands, or faces? Practice focusing your gaze directly level, at about the point people's faces would be. When you feel good about it, glance at an attractive person's face for a moment, and then back in front of you. You did it -- now do it a few more times until you get the hang of it.

Your next lesson in eye contact for the shy is to practice on a real-life sexy human, in a conversation. You don't need to stare raptly into their eyes until your eyes dry out and your eyelids twitch, and you start to see little fuzzy things out of the corners of your eyes. Instead, allow your eyes to travel around their face slowly, like a second hand sweeping around from noon to midnight. Rest on their eyes, and begin again. Do this whenever you feel nervous about looking into their eyes for too long, and soon you'll be captivating them with your confident gaze before you even realize it.

But wait, there's more. Eye contact is a finely honed technique for mesmerizing hotties, and you're going to learn to wield it like Xena's sword, or Buffy's stake. Pick a day when you're feeling sassy and make eye contact with sexy, total strangers -- at least two. Five in a day, then you're at the next level: making deliberate, eye contact with humans you find attractive. Try it once, and you'll see how easy and fun it is -- no one gets hurt, rejected, and there's no risk involved. Try it again and again, like rehearsals, and you'll be ready to rock harder than Joan Jett.

Eye Contact Techniques to Try in the Field

Okay, you don�t have to be a hussy to reap the benefits from these eye contact flirt techniques -- but being a bit brazen helps.

* When you have the beast in your sights, give your intended more than a glance. Let your eyes linger on theirs for a relaxed breath. Then decide if you want to keep contact for an intense across-the-room flirt, or move your eyes away to be a bit more playful in your approach.

* If they're playing hard to get, or you want to make them pay more attention, draw attention to your eyes by touching the corner of your eye as an adjustment, slightly touching the hair around your forehead, adjusting your glasses or touching a pen to your temple. Move your hands slowly.

* Make eye contact, and then break it to look at their lips, and then back again. Smile. This can be repeated with success throughout conversations.

* Truly bad girls and boys will make eye contact, slide their eyes down the front of the body, and then back up. Extra brazen points for lingering on the chest or hips.

* Of course, maintaining eye contact when you need to blink is very sexy, and lets them know you don�t want to miss a minute of their time.

That's it -- learn more in Open Source Sex 49: Seduction and Flirting Part Two

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open source sex 46 Female anatomy for pleasure! This episoide is my lecture on female genital anatomy -- not for reproduction, as in every other treatment of the topic, but instead *purely* for sexual pleasure. Learn more (and plenty of oral techniques) in my book Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus, and enjoy this textcast by reading the transcript below, or on your iPod by clicking the center trackwheel three times.

See anatomical drawings and read erotica about cunnilingus on my site at:

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Female Anatomy for Pleasure

We all know about reproduction -- the what and how babies are made and birthed in relation to our genitals. Even if we're fuzzy on a few details, most adult women have a pretty good idea about how our pussies work for baby-making, or at least know our way around some kind of birth control. And pretty much the majority of us have self-preserving knowledge about sexually transmitted infections and staying safe (or managing a virus, or curing an infection). The problem is, even if this information came in bits and pieces, the easy (and happy) way or through difficult learning lessons, none of this tells us how to have fun with our clits, vaginas, g-spots or even our asses. Even though the fact that playing with all of these wonderful pleasure zones might be what got us informed about troubleshooting our systems in the first place.

The thing is, even if we get any type of formal education about female genitals, none of it has anything to do with pleasure -- how to make them feel oh-so-good. Chances are good that if we got any info about our pussies in school, it was in the form of illustrated internal anatomical drawings and estimates on how much we bleed a month and for how long -- then how pregnancy occurs. That's a great bit of info -- but it's missing the critical fact that this stuff feels good (which I think should come first, to explain why we'd stimulate our genitals in the first place).

Erotic videos and "gentlemen's magazines" can sometimes be vaguely instructional, but viewers should be cautioned that a great deal goes into making the actresses’ and models' genitals look uniform -- including labiaplasty (plastic surgery on the labia), and liposuction of the outer lips. They routinely get a dusting of makeup and occasionally "pussy glue," a tacky gel that holds the inner labia open to the unflinching eye of the camera. Not to mention airbrushing. And as for critical life skills as smart girls, learning how to be sexually self-reliant and understand how our pleasure systems work should be at the top of the survival list.

This lecture is certainly focused on our pussies, but refreshingly it has nothing to do with reproduction. Welcome to the world of pleasure-based female genital anatomy.


Look down, and the first tihng you see is the pubic mound (or mons veneris, or mound of Venus). This is the area over the pubic bone, usually covered with hair, and it tapers down and between her thighs, where the inner thighs meet the torso and splits neatly around the vaginal opening.

Because nature delights in deviation, women's genitals differ greatly in appearance -- their size, shape, and color are as unique to each woman as her fingerprint. Each woman's vulva has the same basic elements, but how they look always differs to varying degrees. The range of differences is so great that there actually is no “normal? when it comes to appearance. And size, shape, and color have little (if anything at all) to do with sensation or response to stimulation -- or libido, or "femmeismo," for that matter. After all, has anyone ever overheard women in a gym locker room bragging about their big clits?

Between her legs you'll see the outer lips, or outer labia, of her vagina; these are fleshy and the skin is soft and sensitive, though somewhat similar to the skin on the rest of her body (the delicate parts, at least). Unlike the smooth, hairless inner lips to be found just inside, the outer labia reside on the outside of the body and are often covered with a continuation of her pubic mound's hair. The outer lips are can be compared to the male scrotum, and both are formed from the same tissue in utero -- the outer lips and scrotum are similar enough in structure and evolutionary origin to form comparisons, but not in function. The outer labia's appearance ranges from fleshy (puffy, covering the clitoris and vaginal opening) to thin (flat, revealing the clitoral hood).

Just inside the outer lips you'll see a hairless second set of lips that surround the vaginal opening. The inner labia are definitely more lip-like in color, texture, and shape than the outer set, and like every other body part, no two are alike. The inner labia come in countless colors; beige-orange hues, pinks and even purples, wine shades, or deep brown. The color may deepen after a woman has a child, and they can even be different colors from one another. Her inner lips might be petite and flat, curled inward, fluted, or flared, or they may protrude past the pubic hair.

 And though they come in pairs, no two are exactly alike; it is quite common for the lips on one woman to look different from each other. The inner lips are richly endowed with nerve endings, and the clitoral hood is analogous to the foreskin of the penis. Some women report enjoying stimulation of the inner lips more than clitoral stimulation. Textures range from smooth to glassy, translucent to deeply crinkled.

The outer edges of each inner lip meet toward the anus at the perineum (the wall separating the vaginal canal and anus), and also up top, toward the pubic bone, where they join to create the clitoral hood -- the flesh covering her clitoris. It's interesting to note that some women report enjoying stimulation of the inner lips more than clitoral stimulation. Her inner labia are chock full of sensitive nerve endings, and the clitoral hood is analogous to the foreskin of the penis -- though it is far more sensitive than that.

The top corner of the inner lips come to an "A" shape underneath a skintight jacket of flesh covering the protruding tip of the clitoris, or glans. Though this word sounds like gland, the slightly bulbous, spade-shaped head of the clitoral shaft isn’t a gland at all. Glans means "a small, round mass or body" and "tissue that can swell or harden". And it certainly does when aroused.

The shaft of the clitoris is the portion that runs from the bottom of the inner labia's A-frame housing to the tip of the glans (the bottom edges of the A being the lower boundary of the visible portion of the clitoris). The entire covering, the clitoris's whole house, is called the hood. This protective covering encompasses the shaft in its A shape, and hoods can range in appearance from fleshy and fat to pulled tight and flat. Sometimes all it takes to expose the tip of her glans is pulling back the hood; or it may not become visible until she's aroused. The glans is nestled in the hood and comes in many sizes, from the size of a pen tip to larger than a fingertip.

Her clitoris has eight thousand nerve endings, all concentrated in that one little spot. It contains more nerve endings than any other part of the human body, male or female, more than the fingertips, tongue, anus -- and twice as many as the entire penis.

Her clitoris has but one job: her pleasure. Its function is hotly contested by evolutionary theorists (those who *dare* to speak its name), and ignored altogether by most medical and religious institutions who can't seem to find a use for it. That's okay -- we can figure out what to do with it. Its impracticality is ludicrous, laughable, luscious. For most women, stimulation of the clitoris is essential to orgasm. The clitoris is often referred to as the "powerhouse of orgasm," and though it delivers pleasure pure of purpose, touching it directly in an unaroused state can feel painful -- sometimes even if she're aroused it's just too much sensation to bear. Luckily, the clitoris is shrouded by the clitoral hood, a little nub analogous to the foreskin on a man. It both protects the clitoris and diffuses the sensations of touching it; even so, some women find that having their clitoral hood touched is too intense and prefer indirect clitoral stimulation, or stimulation by way of the vulva.

The area of the clitoris is far larger than described in conventional anatomy texts and most sex guides. The external tip, or glans, is really the tip of the iceberg -- and if you know icebergs, they're like upside-down pyramids and this is a perfect analogy. The glans begins at the tip of the shaft and continues under the surface to where the other end connects to the suspensory ligament at the pubic mound. You can feel this connection between her clit and the pubic bone by rolling her finger across the area; it feels somewhat like a soda straw (and feels firmer when she're aroused). The shaft, like the glans, is very sensitive and responds pleasurably to stimulation. At the shaft's connection to her pubic bone, the clitoris runs underneath both sides of her vulva alongside the vaginal opening in a wishbone shape, forming two legs, or crura, and extends all the way to her perineum.

The internal area occupied by the clitoris and crura is actually a complex clitoral system, wrapped in erectile tissue -- just like the stuff that fills with blood during arousal to make a penis hard. The connecting nerves, tissues, muscles, and ligaments all react and engage with one another during her arousal cycle. And guess what? If the clitoris has the queen's throne outside, the g-spot has the princess seat right in the middle of all this. The clitoral area underneath the inner and outer lips, the ring around the urethra (where urine leaves the body; g-spot), and the wall of the perineum all contain erectile tissues that fill with blood and swell upon arousal -- sometimes noticeably, sometimes not. Several layers of muscles line the pelvic floor, connecting the clitoris to these erectile tissues. An oval-shaped muscle of erectile tissue surrounds the inner lips and clitoris, where the vagina and g-spot pass through it, and connects to another oval that surrounds the anal sphincter muscle, encircling the anus.

Let's talk about the g-spot for a minute. Both women and men have an identical ring of spongy erectile tissue surrounding the urethra (where urine leaves the body). It is an essential part of the clitoral system and her entire orgasmic network, and even when she simply jack off through clitoral stimulation, her g-spot participates in the orgasm. Located inside the vagina, the urethra is a tube that's roughly two inches long, running from the bladder to the urethral opening on her vaginal wall. This ring of urethral tissue is the outer area that shows you where her g-spot is.

The urethral sponge is located on the front wall of the vagina, toward the belly button; if she're lying on her back, it's the "top" of the vaginal wall. From the vaginal opening, it's roughly one or two inches inside. The outer area is the marker to let you know where the g-spot actually begins, because there's a lot more of it beneath the surface. In addition to the two inch long urethral canal leading to the bladder, there is a whole lot more surrounding the urethral opening (and sponge) that makes up the entirety of the g-spot, and it all responds to g-spot stimulation; to enjoy her spot and come, she'll be touching not just the urethral opening but the area surrounding it as well.

The spongy tissues that surround her urethra and comprise her g-spot are a complex bundle of -- joy! Along with the erectile tissue, she's also got the nerve-rich urethra itself and about 40 super-tiny glands and ducts (called paraurethral glands, or Skene's Glands) that respond to arousal and pleasure. Sometimes, and in some women, stimulation of the g-spot to orgasm can result in an expulsion of fluid form the urethral sponge -- this is female ejaculation, and the paraurethral glands and ducts have the starring role in that particular wet, wonderful show. The purpose of the urethra is certainly to have a river run through it, but everything else prefers to play by the same rules as her clitoris: just for fun, thanks.

The Sexual Response Cycle

When a woman becomes sexually aroused, her senses and her genitals would shift from the everyday to the superreal. Pleasure becomes a priority, and her entire body begins to respond physically to the chemicals and hormones flooding from brain to bloodstream. Her body begins moving in an unconscious symphony to the directions of an invisible conductor; blood rushes to the pelvis, filling the erectile tissues, and nerve cells in the genitals become excited. Her breasts increase slightly in size, and stimulation of the nipples may become desirable, because it causes production of the hormone oxytocin, which is produced during sexual stimulation and causes tingling sensations in the genitals. The skin on various parts of her body become hypersensitive, and her genitals flush and deepen in color.

Because the erectile tissue in a woman's genitals is analogous to the erectile tissue in the penis, it also swells when aroused. However, unlike in a penis, there are no muscles that compress the blood flow to retain stiffness, and perhaps that is where we women get our capacity for multiple orgasms.

During arousal, erection pushes the glans forward, and it may poke out from under the hood. The legs stiffen, elongate, and swell, expanding both inner and outer labia. In some women, this swelling is very visible, while in others it may not be visible at all or may be felt only with a sensitive fingertip.

Inside the inner lips there are two tiny ducts connected to two tiny glands called the vulviovaginal glands, which produce a few drops of thick fluid during arousal. This contributes to, but does not compose entirely, vaginal lubrication during the sexual response cycle. Pressure from dilated clitoral blood vessels inside the vagina during arousal forces clear fluid through the walls of the vagina, which is where the majority of vaginal lubrication comes from. However, lubrication is not a reliable means by which to measure arousal. A woman can be lubricated yet unaroused and can just as easily be chomping at the bit for sex and have a dry vulva. Lubrication varies depending on mood, stress, where a woman is in her menstrual cycle, whether she’s experienced menopause, medications and antihistamines she is taking, and any number of other factors.

If you're stimulating her during all this, her feedback is essential to you -- how else will you know what’s working and what’s not? It's not enough to simply ask her, "Are you okay?" You'll most likely just get an "Uh-huh." And "How are you?" will usually get she a "Fine." Then what are you going to do? You've got to ask specific questions to get useful answers. Try some of these:

Do you want me to go faster? Slower?

Harder? Softer?

Will you show me where?

From top to bottom?

Side to side?

In circles?

Do you want long strokes?

How about here (outer/inner labia, perineum)?

Do you want me to hold still for a minute? Tell me when to start again.

Would you like to try suction?

Do you want me to keep going just like this?

As arousal heightens, all the muscles and ligaments begin to contract, creating a delightful tension. The suspensory ligament shortens and pulls the glans inward, toward the pubic bone, and it remains beneath the hood until orgasm. The end of the round ligament tugs on the inner lips at one end and the uterus on the other, creating more pleasure and involving the uterus in the orgasmic process.

At this point, muscle tension is building: the clitoral tissues and perineum are hypersensitive, as is the skin on the face, neck, abdomen, buttocks, hands, and feet. Blood pressure and heart rate are increased. Her entire body is awash in sexual chemicals, and this potent cocktail is making blues bluer and lights brighter, all while sending messages of "more, more!" At the peak, muscular tension explodes in a series of short, rhythmic contractions. The walls of the vagina, and all the muscles on the pelvic floor, contract strongly and rhythmically, causing intense pleasure. This is orgasm, the standing ovation of the clitoral system, and with collaboration between brain and body, a woman can have several, or even several different kinds.

* * * * * *

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open source sex 45 Prostate pleasure for couples! To celebrate my brand-new book The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Sex Toys, listen to me smilingly talk you through an intro to male anal pleasure from the "bend over boyfriend" chapter. Here, you'll find out about prostate pleasure, how couples can get started and have a lot of fun with male anal penetration, and a strap-on sex primer for couples. There's a lot more detailed info about this *delightful* sex act in the book, and you can hear hot erotica about it in Open Source Sex episodes 8, 31 and 40.

This is a textcast; if you got this podcast in iTunes and want to read along (or refer back to the information later), click the center of your iPod's trackwheel three times and scroll through the text at your leisure.

Also: I have a seperate feed for erotica now at

Text for Open Source Sex 45

Straight couples have reinvented anal sex, and the "Bend Over Boyfriend" phenomenon brought on by the how-to video of the same name have skyrocketed harness and dildo sales to heterosexual couples across the nation. Perhaps the fact that straight men are interested in receptive anal exploration with their female partners comes from increased awareness about prostate pleasure -- sometimes called "the male G-spot". Or maybe men are just more comfortable and confident about their sexuality and see through all the contrived myths linking male anal sex and homosexuality to make up their own minds (because not all gay men like anal sex, and being penetrated can't make someone gay no matter how much they might want it to). But most likely, because our culture talks about sex more than ever before, happy, horny and adventurous guys and gals are looking at each other's bodies like the pleasure playgrounds they were meant to be. And that's a really good thing.

Have you ever wanted to turn the tables on your lover, strapping on a sexy black harness, fastening in a dildo to jut out from between your legs, just so -- and follow through with everything your new dick implies? And what would that entail, exactly; strutting around in a pair of high heels, or going all the way and dressing extra butch in a tank top and workboots? Better yet, follow all these lines of thinking to see how hot and bothered you get while stroking your new erect appendage, rubbing all over your lover's face and having them give you a blowjob -- or more when you take total control and penetrate them.

Sound hot? It is. Being on the receiving end (literally) of a strap-on is just as arousing. Whether it's a power exchange fantasy, a gender-bending scenario or just the blissful sensation of feeling your lover inside you, strap-on sex has little to compare itself to.

Wearing a strap-on, even if you don’t do anything with it, is an experience full of revelations and a sense of sexual giddiness that must be experienced to be understood -- in addition to the incredible arousal that usually comes with playing with "your dick". There are no consequences to strap-on play. Being penetrated and played with by a lover in a harness is just as fun, intense, and sexually exciting as doing the strapping, and the orgasmic potential is eye opening.

Penetration is one of those very amazing things that connect you with your lover like nothing else, and it can be an incredible turn-on for both of you. Penetrating a man with your finger or fingers, a dildo, or a vibrator, you enter into a realm of pleasure that is as deep for him as it is intimate for both of you. And in some men it’s like hitting a pleasure power switch -- even the lightest touch on the outside of the anus skyrockets some men straight to orgasm.

In most every sex book you’ll pick up, if you can find a reference to the prostate gland at all (without it being exclusively related to cancer), you’ll notice a few strange things about the way authors deal with the subject. Many impart a homophobic tone that makes even *me* wonder if I’m repressing anything -- and this goes for both male and female authors. It’s as if they wanted you to be absolutely sure they’re straight when they’re telling you about what’s inside guys' butts, and that you are too, and that everyone’s still straight after they read about it. The concept of male anal penetration obviously carries a lot of stigma and shame for these authors. This would be funny, if it weren’t so frustrating trying to get practical sex information out of their books. The other unfortunate thing most books do when they cover real-life, try-this-at-home prostate stimulation (which is rare) is rush through the material and present it in a cold context, as if no one would really try this for pleasure. Oh, and did I mention that prostate play, or the enjoyment thereof, has nothing to do with sexual orientation? It doesn’t. End of discussion.

The prostate gland is located at just about the center of the male urogenital system, inside the perineal wall. It sits just below the bladder, producing the fluid that mixes with semen in ejaculate, and is connected to the urethra, the muscles that line the perineum, and the sphincter muscle. If there’s an epicenter to male orgasm, then this must be it. Many men, though not all, find that when they’re aroused, prostate stimulation is intensely pleasurable; that’s because the nerve pathway form the brain to the penis runs through the rectum, and one large nerve bundle is located just beneath the prostate. Additionally, the root of the penis is more or less anchored at the prostate, so when you massage the prostate you also transmit sensation to the base of his penis. If he experiences any pain when his prostate is touched, he should have it checked by his doctor. The orgasms from prostate stimulation are often described by men as deep, intense, and powerful.

Many men (though not all) enjoy penetration during other sexual activities, like fellatio, handjobs or intercourse -- that is, as long as you don’t stop or interrupt the sex. If you’ve talked to him about penetration beforehand, you’ve got it under control and are way ahead of the game. Discussing anal play before you try it is essential, unless you and your lover already have anal adventure on the table. Anal play for someone who’s not ready for it can be very unsettling; don’t guess how he might react, because for some guys, anal penetration is going too far. So, how do you add anal penetration to sex and make it pleasurable? Follow the three golden rules: go very slowly, listen to the man you’re penetrating, and use lots of lube.

Fingers are perfect for first-time penetration, as they afford you the most feeling and movement. When he’s turned on, you can start the experiment by massaging his buttocks and caressing the crack between his cheeks. If he responds positively, try slowly and gently pressing a finger over the opening to his anus while you’re kissing him, or playing with his penis or testicles. Be sure your hands are clean (read: scrubbed -- no dirt or grime under your nails) and your fingernails are trimmed and filed smooth. Make sure you don’t have any tiny cuts or hangnails. Latex or (non-latex) nitrile gloves are excellent to use, because they provide a perfectly smooth, clean surface and you can simply take them off when you switch activities.

Put lube on your fingers first to warm it up -- recommended brands for first-time anal play include Liquid Silk, Maximus, Slippery Stuff Gel or Liquid, and the water-based versions of Eros or Wet are fantastic. With the flat of your finger, or fingers, press lightly on the opening and hold it there. Increase the pressure a little, massaging and pressing in subtle circular motions. Go very slowly, and listen to his cues or verbal instructions -- again, for some guys, just having their anus touched is all it takes to push them over the edge. Pay attention to lubrication, and never rely on saliva. In porn films they make it look like that’s all they use, but that’s not the case -- they just don’t show you the anal suppositories and numerous between scene applications of lube. Experienced players can buy lube injection rigs on kink-friendly sites like

If you know he’s ready for insertion, you're keeping him nice and hard, and he is at the point when he’s not sure if he should be thrusting forward or bucking backward onto your hand, check your accessories. You should have plenty of lube, and gloves or finger cots. The anus is an unlubricated area; it does not self-lubricate like a mouth or vagina, and the skin is thin enough to abrade easily. Use lube, lots of lube. You can never have too much lubricant. Have your gloves ready, or already on.

Move your flattened fingers in a circular motion, and begin experimenting with penetration by pressing one well-lubed finger at the base of the opening (toward his tailbone). Massage the opening’s base, and ask him if he wants you to go farther. Slowly slide your finger or a slim sex toy like a small butt plug in up to the first joint (about an inch), and hold it there for a few breaths. Listen to what he tells you to do. You’ll feel the ring of muscles around his opening squeeze and contract -- just stay still as the muscles relax.

When you feel the muscles relax, slide your finger in slowly a little bit more, then back out, doing a gentle in-and-out, not all the way in yet. Once again, this may be all it takes for him to come, or to decide that it’s not what he wants right now -- but if he does want more, following his directions and body language from here, you can progress to more stimulation. You can go deeper or faster, or even add more fingers -- but the rule here is to do everything so slowly that you can practically feel the seasons changing around you. Anal penetration hurts when you go too fast, you don’t use enough lube, the recipient isn’t relaxed, or he doesn’t really want to be doing it. And if he decides he doesn't want to, don't take it personally; just switch sexual activities and talk about it later, after sex when things aren't so emotionally charged with the trust inherent in this very intimate sex act.

But, otherwise, once he’s anally warmed up and ready for more penetration, you can bring sex toys into the picture. Vibrators will feel fantastic on his ass, and you can tease and penetrate him while you suck, stroke or fuck him. The thing to know about vibrators and anal stimulation is that the outer third of the anus, and the prostate, contain more nerve endings than the anal canal and respond best to touch and vibration. The inner portion, inside the canal, has fewer nerve endings near the skin’s surface and responds to feelings of fullness, pressure, and rhythm. be sure to use a vibrator with a flared base, made specifically for anal play, so it won't get out of your control and slip all the way inside.

Fun Things to Do When You're Fucking Him

* Pinch his nipples.

* Kiss him, intensely.

* Tell him how sexy he looks.

* Jack him off with each thrust.

* Spank his ass.

* Make him suck your fingers or nipples—or a dildo.

* Have him jack himself off while you fuck him.

So, a vibrator will feel intense (intensely good) around the opening and the prostate area. But the vibration won’t be a factor deep inside—the size, shape, and motion of the vibe will. To maximize your buzz, select insertable vibrators that have the vibration located at the base. When bringing a vibe into the action, start on the lowest speed, and give him more as he asks for it.

Squirt liberal amounts of lube on any toy you use, and reapply frequently. You can fuck the daylights out of him anally with a dildo he likes. Or, insert a butt plug and keep it in place while you bring him to orgasm; just don’t leave it in for extended periods, or it will get uncomfortable. Chances are good that his PC muscles will squeeze the plug out before he orgasms; if you like, you can hold it in place with your free hand. It can also get forced out during orgasm, which is an okay way to remove it. But if it’s big and stays in place, after he comes ask him to take a few deep breaths and let him know you are going to remove the plug on an exhale -- then remove it on the second or third exhale.

Newcomers to strap-on play will want to make their first purchase an inexpensive harness made of fabric or nylon and a one-off rubber dildo in a pleasing and reasonable shape. Options for harnesses range from neoprene and nylon to glittery vinyl, rubber, see-through plastic, leather and velvet. Many online retailers have beginners' strap-on kits, though I suggest you purchase these from reputable (non-novelty) retailers so you get quality products that will actually do what it's supposed to, even if it's inexpensive.

How a Strap-On Should Fit

The straps should be tight enough to withstand thrusting, but not so tight they pinch or cut into your skin; give the dildo a few tugs to see how it feels. The dildo shouldn’t slip out, or around too much (though a little movement is fine). The dildo should rest right on or just above your pubic bone; if you get sore from thrusting you can buy a specially made pad of thin foam to cushion your pubic bone.

How To Come In Your Harness

* Masturbate yourself.

* Slip on a finger vibe and rub your clit.

* Slide a bullet vibe into the harness.

* Look for a "coupler" sleeve at sex shops that attach to the harness to hold a dildo inside you.

* Slip into a wearable vibrator before you don your harness. Take turns with the controls.

Fun Things To Do With Your New Dick

* Have him show you how he likes to jack off -- with *your* dildo.

* Get a sloppy blowjob.

* Rub it all over his face.

* Lube up and fuck different crevices all over his body.

* Lube both of your cocks and rub them together.

* Sixty-nine, missionary position, doggy-style, "man on top".

* Make out while your dicks touch.

* Let him "discover" it in your pants or under your skirt.

If you want to get inspired for male anal penetration, strap-on play or just want to check out a few hot bend-over-boyfriend fantasies for ideas, listen to my podcasts where I read explicit short stories featuring this incredibly hot sex act. These include:

open source sex 40

open source sex 31

open source sex 8

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My podcast once played hide the silicone salami with

Violet Blue:

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open source sex 41 I'm thrilled -- thrilled! -- about the arrival of my newest book, The Smart Girl's Guide to Porn! Tonight I thought it would be fun to read the introduction to the book, where I explain how I got to be a professional female porn reviewer and sex blogger, my sad-yet-funny trials trying to find good porn, and why --and how -- porn can be hot and lame and fun all at the same time. It's that fun, and that personal.

I hope you like it; it means a lot to me.

Check out the entire table of contents for the book in this blog post:

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My podcast watches really hot porn with

Violet Blue:

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open source sex 39 More from my NPR pirate radio interview series: an interview with my best friend Thomas Roche! I get him to spill about his mad skillz with the necrophilia fetish lecture at San Francisco Sex Education (where we both teach and he's volunteered for ten years); then we digress into discussing erotica, crime writing and its seedy/inspiring erotic elements (yay tits and gunpowder!), his work as the editor at Eros Zine, and of course -- porn! We have a sweetly antagonistic friendship, and he just wrote a bunch of hot stories for my upcoming sex guidebook Fetish Sex: An Erotic Guide for Couples.

Thomas' site is He's also a pinup photographer and has shot me several times over the years -- you can see some of these sets in his gallery, and in my galleries vegas pinups, suicide reject, and friday the 13th.

Also: NPR is a community not-for-profit volunteer organization and they're hosting my filthy dirty interviews for free. They're having a hard time coming up with rent for one month this summer -- it's $800 -- so if you can spare ten bucks, please donate it to NPR!

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My podcast wants to engage in necrophilia with

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open source sex 38 In the ongoing interview series I'm doing at NPR, this has to be one of my very favorite interviews *ever*. Just listen to me talk to Pink and White Productions' Shine Louise Houston and see if you can't resist laughing -- Shine is the producer, director and creator behind what is one of the hottest, most authentic lesbian porn companies around, and it's all DIY, indy porn. Listen and see what I mean; Shine talks about why fluffy-haired long-fingernailed "lesbians" in regular porn just don't seem to reflect how girls are having sex with each other (really?), amazing behind the scenes tales of fisting and female ejaculation on the set of her cult hit porn film The Crash Pad, what's in her future and all about that crazy party I went to a week ago... She invited me to a party, things got out of hand with fists and lesbian porn stars and bread products and I took pictures... So much fun. Look at all the images I shot at that wild party in these two galleries: Pink and White Party; More Pink and White Party. But really, listen to the podcast and see how we crack ourselves up so bad about stuffing loaves where bread has never been before that we make actual snorting noises.

MP3 not enough for you? Watch and listen with the video slideshow version of this podcast at:

Please note: there is an extra 6-7 minutes of music on the end of this podcast from the local 30-piece Extra Action Marching Band. I left it on there for a little something different; skip it if you hate it.

Also: NPR is a community not-for-profit volunteer organization and they're hosting my filthy dirty interviews for free. They're having a hard time coming up with rent for one month this summer -- it's $800 -- so if you can spare ten bucks, please donate it to NPR!

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My podcast defiles whole-wheat baguettes at

Violet Blue:

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open source sex 37 An interview with Tristan Taormino! Part of the NPR radio series of interviews I'm doing -- this time, Tristan called in from rainy Brooklyn, New York to tell us how to prepare for first-time anal sex, all about enemas (!), anal sex and pregnancy, her new Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women 2nd ed. (and all the cool new information in it), her extremely hot video House of Ass and her new contract at Vivid Video to make explicit educational movies! We covered a lot of ground and could've talked for another half-hour, for sure. These interviews are done in a storefront window in the "hip" Mission district here in SF, so imagine the looks I got when people walked by and heard "anal orgasms" coming from the speakers...

Her House of Ass video is one of the best porn videos I've ever seen. Seriously. Watch the trailer @ her site, (where you can also download the trailer to your iPod). Also be sure to visit Tristan's MySpace page.

MP3 not enough for you? Watch and listen with the video slideshow version of this podcast at:

The images are from the House of Ass video. If you'd rather listen to the MP3 and just look at the pictures, you can see them (and more) in all their glory at Deviant Cult X.

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My podcast has gentle anal sex with

Violet Blue:

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Michael Soldier -- one year later! The first interview I did with Michael a year ago (almost to the day) was really popular, so I thought it would be fun to bring him back. Hilarious, crazy stories from our favorite erotic masseuse and gay porn star, including on-set fluffing tidbits, why a local SF Supervisor called Michael a nasty word in front of a huge crowd and John Waters (hint: it has to do with naked jumprope and a Santa hat), and more. This is in the NPR interview series I'm doing for the next few weeks, so the format sounds different than my usual podcast, which is a nice change.

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My podcast has a gay fluffer named

Violet Blue:

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A compelling interview with Adam Zimbardo, MFT, a 16-year veteran from San Francisco Sex Information and the front lines of nationwide anonymous sex advice; a sobering state of the nation address on sex ed in America. Do you have safe sex? No one is -- so now what do we do? Listen to our interview, which manages to be funny and intense at the same time. This is on NPR, so the format sounds different than my usual podcast, which isn't such a bad thing...

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Violet Blue:

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open source sex 33 How do *you* taste? Taste of a man and taste of a woman -- this is my lecture all about the tastes and scents to be found between the thighs, and how to make yourself taste yummier, naturally. I'm getting ready for a new semester of lectures at SFSI and thought this would be a nice, er, warmup! Especially with the lovely photo (in the MP3 file) by Siege @ Read oodles more about oral sex in my Ultimate Guide to Fellatio and Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus.

As per the directions in the podcast, here are the ingredients for the Super Spunk Smoothie (it works with all genders) -- drink for three days and avoid the things I mention in the podcast, though skipping asparagus is a no-brainer...

Super Spunk Smoothie
1 cup pineapple, fresh, canned or juice
1 cup mango juice
1 banana
1/2 cucumber, peeled and seeded
1/2 tsp fresh ginger
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
2 Tbs honey

Blend all ingredients in a blender until smooth. Drink immediately. Repeat daily (and perform your own scientific oral sex taste tests) for best results!

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My podcast is orally satisfied at

Violet Blue:

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Unsafe sex products! This is the audio version of a new page you'll see in my website's left sidebar, labeled "unsafe". It's required reading for all sex shoppers; I explain sex products that can hurt you, how they work (or don't work) and why novelty companies make products that can harm you. You'll never want to use Anal-Eze, you'll freak out about Nonoxynol-9 and you might want to upgrade your toy collection.

Text transcript at

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My podcast is hosted at I love Libsyn!

Violet Blue:

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open source sex 27 Tie me up? How about bondage and kink for the rest of us...! You don't need to know complicated knots or BDSM lingo to have a hot time tying up your sweetie and having fun with them, so here I talk about what nasty and sweet things you can do do with someone who's all tied up -- ice cubes to oral sex and beyond. And I have *a lot* of fun ideas. Then, to get you in the mood I read a really delicious light bondage and first time anal sex story from Alison Tyler's Best Bondage Erotica. Also, I had an energy drink before the podcast, so decide for yourself if podcasting, hot sex talk, and energy drinks mix, or are a lethal combination...

Mentioned in this podcast, for further study:

Graydancer's Rope Weekly

Happy birthday to sexy Minx at Polyamory Weekly!

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My podcast is hosted at

Violet Blue:

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open source sex 23 On a cold San Francisco night, I read "Sperm Bank Teller" by Polly Enmity, from Best Sex Writing 2005. When I found out that someone I knew not only works in a really dysfunctional local sperm bank -- but that she also regularly has sex with "donors" -- I asked her to write about it for my book. It's all real and all true, from the bizarre way donors are screened to the blowjobs in the donors' rooms.

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My podcast is hosted at!

Violet Blue:

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Category:itunes -- posted at: 8:07pm PDT

open source sex 21 With a little nervousness and a lot of enthusiasm, I have a late night call with adult film legend and pro-sex, pro-porn sex educator Nina Hartley. We discuss how US obscenity laws are like organized crime tactics; her delicious new film "Nina Hartley's Guide to Erotic Bondage" that bends the rules of romance, bondage and sex; her amazing upcoming book and the roads that led her to becoming a pleasure activist; how she deals with anti-porn detractors and much much more.

Click here for the delicious video version (.m4v file), with an accompanying slideshow featuring nearly 50 ultra-hot stills from her video.

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Violet Blue

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Category:itunes -- posted at: 10:31pm PDT

Enjoy this explicit how-to lecture on threesomes! Learn how to make them happen, avoid jealously, what to do when you're all naked together, where and how to find people to play with, and what to say to get everything started... And what to do when things don't turn out the way you'd planned. All this, plus lightly cheesy erotica by Alison Tyler and music by my beloved friend, Tim North.

Learn more, and how to take this fantasy further in my Guide to Sexual Fantasy.

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Violet Blue

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Category:itunes -- posted at: 5:45pm PDT

open source sex 16 Returning from a bout with the flu, I present a lecture I usually give to San Francisco Sex Information hotline students all about the strange, bizarre, sexy and fascinating world of sexual fetishes -- with a special focus on making fetish sex hot. But first, we open with some small talk to get you in the mood and a few interesting words about democratic sex education by Minx from the podcast Polyamory Weekly.

Things I talk about in this podcast:

The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy


Dark Garden Fetishes

Yahoo: Fetish sites

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Violet Blue

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Category:itunes -- posted at: 4:34pm PDT

Back safe from my non-relaxing trip to London, you might as well call me little Miss Ranty McRant in this podcast; I talk about landing right when the tube is blown up, then talk about the iTunes sex podcast issues, rant about a porn magazine, then read some erotica that gets my temperature up...

Here are the other podcasts I mention in the iTunes rant:

Violet Blue

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Category:itunes -- posted at: 6:05pm PDT

Reading the Dorkbot SF teledildonics presentation... but unlike the lecuture I don't have remote sex with anyone (that I know of)!

Violet Blue

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Category:itunes -- posted at: 6:37pm PDT

Live from Duboce Park in San Francisco! Complete with dogs, buses and birds, I took my iBook to the park this morning and read an essay I wrote about my harrowing first on-set porn experience...

Violet Blue

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Category:itunes -- posted at: 1:33pm PDT

Hot three-way action interview with Dr. Carol Queen and indy porn filmmaker Tony Comstock; last of the pirate radio series.

the pirates:

Carol Queen:

Tony Comstock:

Violet Blue

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Category:itunes -- posted at: 9:23pm PDT

This is the second of three "Porn Chat With Violet Blue" shows, when Neighborhood Public Radio pirated a local frequency in commemoration of the FCC's rulings on Janet Jackson's Super Bowl nipple slip, and since they were calling it their "NPR Indecency Series" they asked me to come on and host my own show for a few weekends. To make it as indecent as possible I interviewed Best Gay Male Porn Performer 2004 Michael Soldier -- and it was dirty, dirty, and fun. I asked multi-award winning sex performer Michael what you need to do to get ready to "do" porn, how to shoot the biggest loads, all about his weird experiences as a gay male erotic masseuse and much much more.

Violet Blue

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Category:itunes -- posted at: 11:35pm PDT

Listen to a pirate radio interview I did recently with Jack Shamama, a porn scriptwriter who also works over at A local group called Neighborhood Public Radio pirated a local frequency in commemoration of the FCC's rulings on Janet Jackson's Super Bowl nipple slip, and since they were calling it their "NPR Indecency Series" they asked me to come on and host my own show for a few weekends. This is the first of three "Porn Chat With Violet Blue" shows, where I interview Jack about what you have to do to write a porn script, safe sex ignorance in porn and much much more. We had a blast, especially since the show was done in a storefront window in a busy San Francisco neighborhood, with huge speakers blasting our conversation out onto the street -- we had a huge crowd, and motorists were slowing down to listen. Oh, and the awards we talk about in the interview: he won best screenplay.

Violet Blue

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Category:itunes -- posted at: 2:20pm PDT

This one's how-to on sexual fantasies: dealing with weird fantasies, getting ideas for fantasies, and sharing them with a lover. Woo-hoo!

Violet Blue

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Category:itunes -- posted at: 5:37pm PDT